Do you and your partner have disagreements a lot?
It’s common for couples to have conflict. Some spats are avoidable if you have conversations about life after moving in together.
It doesn’t sound sexy, am I right? You hope to hear a “yes or no” answer. Of course, you can give a response or ask for more time, as you’d usually say. After the hug, celebration, and dreaming of a life together, ask a few questions.
Remind yourself this is easy. You’re in bliss mode.
Your attitude also frames how the questions get perceived by your partner.
These questions guide your once single or platonic shared life into an unfamiliar territory.
Most fights are about defending one’s independence
Asking questions before you move in together protects significant areas of your life. The one’s usually linked to your sense of self and individuality.
- Maintaining your financial security.
- Staying sexy in the eyes of your partner.
- Cutting out me-time
- Protecting the closeness of friend and family relationships
- Splitting house responsibilities
What do fights mean?
You know you are not happy about your partner encroaching on your boundaries. But you are also aware you waited until you couldn’t take it anymore to communicate. Now, you’re upset. And need your partner to change their behavior with urgency.
Didn’t chat before?
Schedule time for the discussion. Even if you talked about it, it’s good to have a follow-up talk to change arrangements.
What’s worth asking? Plenty of questions relating to each part of your individuality.
Photo by Lauren Richmond on Unsplash
Here are some examples.
One’s about me-time
- What times do you want to be alone? Is it when you watch sports?
- During your me-time, how okay are you with interruptions?
One’s about staying sexy
- How can I make you feel sexy when we see each other daily?
- It’s not an either-or situation per se. But what makes you get in the mood more: help in the home or affection?
One’s about splitting home responsibilities
- I like the toilet paper right-side up. Do you mind us keeping it this way?
- I know, I have my style, and you have yours. Can the person on duty for the area do it the way they prefer?
- Will we split chores or assign different ones to a person?
One’s about money
- Do we refund the person who paid for the cost of our meal?
- If we eat out a lot, will one person pay for food and the other for utilities?
One’s about family and friends
- Can we avoid putting up friends and family for an extended period with no end outlined?
Those are the questions I like to ask. Once you start, more will pop into your head. But the above ones are a pretty good start for your ground rules. And you can change your expectations to have them develop with the relationship.
Thank you for reading this post.
© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Wasa Crispbread on Unsplash