Reawakening Awareness of the Depths of Life That Were Always There
I would like to suggest a different sort of holiday gift, a gift of resources, programs to listen to, books to read, different emotions to share to strengthen ourselves, and our friends and others. The first is difficult right now for many of us⎼ gratitude. With so many threats and unknowns staring us in the face, we might ask what do we have to be grateful for?
I was driving home earlier in the week listening to Here and Now on NPR, and there was an interview with Monica Bartlett, Professor of Psychology of the Positive Emotion and Social Behavior Lab at Ganzaga University. She spoke about how gratitude can be healing in times when we’re frightened and feel isolated and powerless. We all share a negativity bias. We tend to think first about our safety, more about what might hurt us than what might uplift us. And this negativity just enhances our fear. In contrast, when we feel gratitude, we feel more powerful and capable. And when we care for others, it’s easier to feel cared for.
Professor Bartlett suggests practices like pausing near the end of the day and writing down 3 things we’re grateful for, no matter how small, and recognizing who we interacted with or why that event happened. This can include a person we know well, or the person at the supermarket who showed us where to find what we were looking for, or a pet. Their research showed such a simple practice highlights the connections between ourselves and others, the good others bring to our lives, and the power in relationships to better the world.
Then there’s compassion⎼ it’s such a powerful source for freeing ourselves of suffering. One day as I was meditating on compassion, by doing a Buddhist practice of taking a moment to stop what I’m doing, sit down in a quiet space, and saying to myself “may I be happy, may X be happy. May I be healthy, may X be healthy. May I be at peace, may X be at peace. May all beings be free of suffering.” And I just felt the breathing, in and out. And suddenly, my problems, worries, and plans stopped repeating themselves in my mind. There was a silence so deep no thoughts appeared, yet nothing was missing.
Compassion goes beyond empathy, to not only recognize the suffering of others, or myself, but a readiness to act to reduce that suffering. Meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg points out it’s the opposite of passivity. It readies us to act in recognition of our interdependence, our shared presence in the world, and for the benefit of all. Of doing whatever we feel ready to do, to help a neighbor in need, or to support or start a political action to help millions in need.
A third recommendation returns us to the healing power of a pet, or to the bond with or care for another being. In this case, for a being who defies our normal ways of communicating and expressing ourselves and puts us in a space beyond written and spoken language. Pets can reveal a more basic language, of our body, or of our spirit, maybe. The book is We’ll Prescribe You A Cat, by the Japanese writer Syou Ishida.
The book is a collection of stories about how the lives of several people were changed just by a doctor giving them a cat to care for as a prescribed medication. I should first admit I already have 3 cats and love them. Yet, I’m often too caught in the negativity bias, in the inconveniences, the complaints, in cleaning the cat litter, or being upset when awakened at night⎼ or caught up in my life schedule and worries⎼ to remember what each of them gives me every day.
But after reading just the first story, I feel like I’ve re-discovered 3 new beings in the house, or 3 beings who are more than I’ve ever before seen or recognized. I realize how each one, with their unique personality, is therapy for a different aspect of my life. Each presents their own realm of relieving what hurts or limits me. Each is a potential focus for gratitude.
And it’s not only cats who can do this for us. Dogs, certainly. Birds clearly. Trees? Snow? Children and people of all ages? Can each interaction we have present a uniquely formed therapy? This, of course, couldn’t be true, could it? There are clearly circumstances, actions people take, that are awful, cruel, unjust, that never should have been inflicted by one person on another. Maybe in these cases, the lesson is in how we respond to them. And not getting caught up in thinking they never should have happened, but in using the realization of their awful, cruel, or unjust nature to spark new ways of thinking, new ways of responding. And maybe, maybe even being grateful that at least we’re alive to respond?
And to return to the winter⎼ some embrace winter, some fear it. Some think of certain times as divine, like the celebration of a historical event, or of winter solstice as an example of the deepening dark turning to a new emergence of light. Or the birth of what or whom we love as our savior or maker or inspiration or force. And what about the divine nature of time, of life itself? Isn’t that what a seasonal celebration is about? Re-awakening the sense of the sacred nature of life, of our relationships with each other and our world?
Happy Holidays!
**Two other books I recommend are Joanna Macy’s World as Lover, World As Self, and historian Timothy Snyder’s classic On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons From the Twentieth Century.
—
This Post is republished on Medium.
—
Photo credit: iStock
