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We often experience great sadness in loss. That’s just being human. Werner Erhard said that sadness is a fundamental human expression. Werner said from his perspective there are two kinds of sadness. There is the “poignant sadness”, the kind of “sadness that heals loss”. The other kind of sadness is the reactivation of earlier losses, unreconciled loss from the past. That kind of sadness doesn’t heal.
I saw “Mary Poppins Returns” with my dear friend Cheryl. Emily Blunt wonderfully recreates the legendary role inhabited by Julie Andrews. She makes Mary her own. Emily gifts her eloquent humanity. Director Rob Marshall’s “Mary Poppins Returns” is the throwback classical Hollywood musical with inspired song and dance. It’s a spectacle of live action and brilliant animation.
Yet, what’s most surprising about “Mary Poppins Returns” is that it’s poignantly about loss. Rob creates his Art in Sadness. Emily’s very proper nanny Mary tucks the Banks children into their beds at night. Innocent young Georgie, played by Joel Dawson, says, “I miss Mother.” Pausing for a moment, Mary’s bright blue eyes turn sublime in gaze. She sings, “The Place Where Lost Things Go”. In touching lyrics Mary says, “Nothing’s gone forever, only out of place.”
Sitting in the theater, tears began to run down my cheek. That touched my soul. “Nothing’s gone forever, only out of place.” I thought about Sensei Dan, and how much I miss him. I thought about Mom: She’s 89 years-old and living in her Seniors Home. I thought about how much I’m going to miss her when eventually she too, goes to “The Place Where the Lost Things Go”. I thought of how sad I would be.
I don’t believe my sadness was romanticized. Sensei was human. So is Mom. Sensei smoked too much, even though he tried to quit on several occasions. He liked to drink beer and whiskey. Often he’d ask me to give him a ride to a party so he could drink. I had no problem with that. Sensei had a bad temper at times, and I had experienced it personally on numerous occasion. Yet, he was always fair. Usually, when Sensei was pissed, it was because he wanted me to get something when I was not really listening. I love Sensei.
Mom, in her younger days, was constantly worried, and at times that would freak me out. Though that really had more to do with my Dad’s capricious nature. She was constantly on “pins and needles”. Mom also kept repeating herself, which ended up being a good thing. She would always say, “Jonny, slow down.” She wanted me to discover my own peace.
In retrospect, I also wished Mom could have been happier, given the choices she had made in life. I’m grateful that I’m able to give her some happiness over the years. I’m grateful that I was able to make her proud. I love Mom, always.
In Aikido, Sensei would always say to me, “Everything natural.” By that, he meant not to use strength against strength for the attack. Wait it out until the last moment when the attacker was fully committed. Move into the attack: Take a glancing blow if I have to. Breathe. Move my feet. Keep my shoulders and my center down. “It’s one time.”
Perhaps, that’s the Art in Sadness: Everything natural. Be sad, when you’re sad. Don’t fight sadness. Don’t pretend to be otherwise. Maybe that’s the kind of sadness that Werner says heals.
I was sad when Sensei Bobby called to tell me that Sensei passed away. It wasn’t unexpected – he was very sick in the hospital. Yet, I didn’t cry. And he was like a Father to me. His wife Alyce called a few days later to tell me that the funeral services were for family members only. I got it.
I told Alyce, “I loved Dan.” Alyce said, “He knew. And he loved you, too.” I cried then. While Sensei lived we never said “I love you.” to each other. We were kind of Old School Japanese that way. Hearing that from Alyce was like hearing it from Sensei. That wasn’t lost. Sensei was still with me in a sense.
When Mary Poppins sings “The Place Where the Lost Things Go”, there’s the lyric: “Maybe all you’re missing lives inside of you.” Yeah. When I take Aikido seminars I follow the Sensei’s instruction attentively. I listen to Sensei’s voice inside, “Do what that Sensei does. Not what I do.” When the strong French woman Sensei said, “Enter the attack and die with honor.” The voice within said, “Take a glancing blow… It’s only one time.” Sensei’s not gone forever, “only out of place”. He lives within me now. In that place within.
In the Art of Sadness: Be sad when you’re sad. Be with sadness, and don’t wallow in it. Like throwing in Aikido: It’s one time. Then move on. Next. That’s the kind of sadness that Werner says heals.
“Everything natural.” as Sensei would say. Yes, it hurts when we lose those we love. It’s sad. Yet, where they go, where “the lost things go” is perhaps within us. They gave us life. And we are their living legacy. Amen.
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