They shared a language only lovers know. Finally they had to learn how lovers say goodbye.
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The truth isn’t always easy. It’s sometimes painful, and often sad.
This time it was poetic.
There we were, two kids who had a really tough time growing up, on a continuous quest for safety. Something to save us from the chaos that surrounded every turn. Instead we found each other, and created a tiny world that belonged just to the two of us. It was filled with laughter and tears, kisses, drugs, fist fights, runaways, cops, surfing, anger, laughter and love. Dysfunction rippled through every move. It was the only pattern we’d ever known, and we copied it. Unconsciously, methodically, until it became the monster that tore us apart.
There we were, two ships passing in the night. Were we ever meant to land on the same shore? Me, with my heart on my sleeve. And you, with yours locked away in iron-clad castle to which no one ever had the key. I love endlessly, searching for love in return, and you give your love to no one. What an odd pairing we’ve been. Painting the world in our very different colors that never matched at all.
I’m so grateful for our time together. It’s given me strength and kept my boat moving through the choppy waters no matter how terrifying the storm appeared. It helped me understand compassion, compromise, forgiveness, trust and what true friendship really requires. Not many can say they have a friend who they can call any time of day or night who will drop everything to come to the rescue. We have given each other that gift. I hope that gift is endless.
When we say goodbye to someone we don’t forget the dialect. We just stop speaking it so we can live in the silence for a little while, so we can make room to hear again.
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As we say goodbye to our romance and free ourselves from the chains of the fantasy we’ve built, I’m excited to see what happens next. I know you’ll be a great husband and father and I can’t wait to congratulate her one day at your wedding. I know by letting you go I’m finally making room in my life for a love so deep even the ocean will be jealous.
We’ve given each other clarity, peace of mind and hope. And we are both going to be OK. I think we’ve been holding onto each other so tightly because not only were we lovers, and best friends, but we were family. That all changes now, and we have to embrace the change. For we both deserve for this evolution to continue. We both deserve to be with a partner who pushes us, excites us, inspires us, and helps us build a life that builds us up and builds them up as well.
The tears are a torrent as I say goodbye my love. I’ve heard that pain is the touchstone for growth, and I feel the transformation already. I’ve heard that in order to move on you truly need to let go, I feel myself coming unattached. I have already let go of so much. I let go of the idea of growing old with you. I let go of the idea of having your children. Now I even need to let go of the idea of being your friend. For right now.
But what I’ll never let go of is the memories. You are a huge part of my life that I’ll never forget. I thank you for all the beauty, love and kindness you’ve bestowed me. You’ve made an imprint on my heart. A gift that could never be replicated, bought, sold, manufactured or spoken. It’s a secret language only you and I know. A secret language that is built brick by brick in any true love affair. When we say goodbye to someone we don’t forget the dialect. We just stop speaking it so we can live in the silence for a little while, so we can make room to hear again.
Soon we will both be speaking a new jargon. A language that will be painstakingly built in the tiny moments between two open hearts who are strong enough to dive into the vernacular of love yet again. I hope you find someone who not only speaks your language, but sings your tune. You deserve nothing less.
Jackie, I think this connects with all of us. We’ve all had loves that ended and hopefully many of us have had loves that ended, but become reborn again, sometimes with the same person. Having been married for 35 years now, my wife and I have had two re-commitment ceremonies at 15 year intervals. Ends and beginning are what makes the world go around.