Your ex has disappeared from your Facebook page. How can you handle this change with style and class?
You’ve noticed your ex hasn’t been showing up on your newsfeed as much as they used to lately. Immediately, your sirens go off, as it’s usually a sign that someone has unfriended you. You quickly type in their name and, sure enough, you’re no longer friends with them anymore. As you go through the 5 stages of grief after realizing you’ve been dumped for a second time (or possibly a first this time around), there are a few things to remember:
The first action most people take is by investigating the person’s profile to find any clues as to why their ex (or even friend) suddenly unfriended them. This starts out harmless but can turn into full-blown stalking as Ex 1 checks Ex 2′s page on the hour every hour of the day.
The danger comes when we see something on our ex’s page we weren’t prepared to see: them with a new person, explaining to their friends via status how much they’ve moved on with their life, and how every single thing they post radiates genuine happiness. The best thing? Don’t go looking too far. You just might find something you won’t like. At all.
Don’t Bash Them By Posting a Subliminal Status Update
When we post something on Facebook, honestly it’s to fill something inside of us. We want to get likes to feel popular, friend requests to feel wanted, and unfriend people to feel like we’re in control. We even post passive-aggressive status updates because we’re hurt and scared to face what’s hurting us head on. So, we resort to sharing a paragraph of text on our timeline for the whole world to see, not because we want to fix the problem, but because we want everyone to see our wound.
Bashing your ex using a status update not only makes you look foolish but only adds to your ex’s reasoning for unfriending you in the first place. Facebook won’t help with the situation, even those commentators who offer their Facebook Oprah advice.
Don’t Message Asking Why
How awkward is it to unfriend someone only to receive a message from them a day or two later detailing how upset they are about it and asking why? For many people, Facebook friendships are more valuable than real friendships (which is frightening), but people also see an unfriending as a sign of something they legitimately did wrong.
If an ex hasn’t detailed it out to you what you messed up on, don’t ask. Obviously something between the two of you went sour, and the other person has decided to cut ties. Asking why can potentially lead to a long, awkward, drawn out back and forth that will only further tarnish what was left of your relationship.
Don’t Wait for Them to Realize They Were Wrong and Add You Back
Decisions like unfriending your ex aren’t usually spur of the moment. They’ve usually been carefully considered and have usually bounced around in the other person’s head before they decided to go forward with it. For most people, once they choose to unfriend someone, there’s no going back.
Though we’ve all had that one friend who ended up adding us back once they realized they dismissed us from their Internet circle for childish reasons, don’t expect that to happen for your ex. Let them move on without wondering if they’re constantly looking back over their shoulder at your past relationship.
If It Honestly Hurts More Than You Expected, Take a Long Break from Social Media
If it bothers you more than you expected, perhaps it’s time to take a long break from Facebook and whatever social media that connects you with your ex. In today’s culture, it’s simply hard to get away from people. Even though you’re no longer Facebook friends with your ex, they might still show up in your newsfeed via mutual friends tagging them in photos or giving them a shoutout after a night of living it up (without you). We’re constantly connected, and sometimes that can be just a little too much to deal with. So, get away from the Internet for a bit, go out more to places you’ve never been, exercise, anything that will clear your mind and put you at ease.
Getting over an ex is never easy. The added heartbreak of realizing they no longer want any ties to you can be overwhelming. However, many times, it’s an important step in the right direction for both of you.
What do you think? Leave a Comment!
Originally posted at boldandsugar.com
Photo: Roxie Rampage/Flickr
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My ex-bf left me saying he didn’t answer from keep leading me on with feelings he didn’t have for me. And how he thought it would change but it didn’t. I proposed on our anniversary and 3 months 2 days later he breaks up with me. 😥😥😥😥 Couldn’t say he loved me barley could say he cared. A day later and he unfriended me on Facebook. And unfollowed both my if accounts.
My girlfriend broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. She said she couldn’t trust me and that i didn’t care enough about the little things. I have been unable to successfully complete a no contact period but I don’t pester her either. If I do text her though, she doesn’t reply, or waits until the next day to say she’s busy.
maybe I’m different, but I messaged my BF and explained why I unfriended him in a nice way.that ibwasnt unfriending him in real life, but seeing his pics was painful to me. maybe people should communicate better and not leave thier BF or GF in the agony of not knowing. not knowing why is aweful . it can torcher the other person, it is cruel. it’s super easy to just say why.
Maybe it’s generational, but am I the only one who doesn’t think this is a problem? This is an ex we’re talking about, not a best friend or spouse. If they unfriend you, so what? Why should this cause you so much angst?
Perhaps if it does, that’s a sign you aren’t over them at all yet. That’s a different story.
Not a problem for me. I have not spoken to my ex husband since the day he fled under a hail of kitchen utensils. But that was back in ancient times. The decision is usually made by someone else, not the ex-generally their new partner who isn’t cool with sharing their man/woman’s life with an ex. This being the case, it is not worth getting upset over and you may be re friended when the new person forgets who you are!
exactly
Or condense all of the above and realize that it’s just Facebook and the world moves on.
Spot on mate. People take this s**t way too seriously.
Great advice and crazy timeing for me.