People have a lot of expectations about how their live will change if only…
- If only I lost weight, my life would be happier
- If only I were married, my life would be different
- If only I get my degree, my life will change
- If only I get that promotion, my life will be better
- If only we have children…
- If only we had a house…
- If only, if only, if only….
Here’s the sad reality.
If you feel empty inside, none of this stuff will fix it. Which doesn’t mean these aren’t good things. From a practical point of view, for example, getting your degree, losing weight, or buying a house might make sense. Then again, what do you have to give up to get there?
It might not be worth it.
When you are not trying to fill up the empty spaces inside, you can make decisions from a rational place. But when you are being driven by your own sense of inadequacy and neediness… that’s when things become a mess.
You could find yourself in a never-ending cycle of disappointment.
You get that degree, and you get a momentary high. But a few days later, you come down off the high. Where do you get your next fix? Because you need that fix.
So what do you do?
Get off the hamster wheel.
The only way to stop chasing the fix — confront the emptiness.
This takes courage because it will reveal things you don’t like about yourself. Honestly looking at yourself is hard. But the only way to get through the emptiness is to do it.
So how do you do it?
I’m a Christian, so for me, prayer and meditation were a part of it. But if you’re not religious — there are other ways. Some people deep dive into philosophy. Others go to therapy.
I went to therapy myself after my husband of 20 years left me. I was in a lot of pain and the therapist helped me lance the wound. But… it was tough. Because I was forced to deal with the dark side of my personality.
Unfortunately, growth comes from pain.
Whatever method you try, the sooner you deal with your empty spaces, the sooner you can go on to having the life you actually want, not the life you think you need.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
Escape the Act Like a Man Box | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow |
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