Why connecting on the social media site feels like a constant affirmation.
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I was that kid who spent a ton of time alone at home. Little league teams poked fun at me (I wasn’t a great athlete). My brother chose not to hang out with me (I would tell on him constantly).
When I went to high school — 45 minutes away from where we lived (it was a good school and my guidance counselor mom wanted me to have a shot at a good college) — I was often on my own if my father couldn’t drive me to school events. I didn’t get my license until after college so I was always at his mercy.
Now, decades later, there’s part of me that’s still that introverted kid — my freelance life has me working at home a good bit. Where in my youth I was focused on comic books, novels and television (there was no internet), now I tend to focus on Facebook.
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As a child I would muse about some odd TV phenomenon or some geeky superhero question, and I was one of those who frequently wrote letters to the comic publications with random appreciation or questions. Now I channel similar impulses into Zuckerberg’s social media site.
I’ve got a personal profile, a business page, and several groups I belong to — and it’s not unusual for me to take a break from my work to explore one or all of the pages I frequent. Or, for that matter, to respond to the chirp of someone liking a post or emailing me a message.
I’ve read many articles about the problems with the site. The terms of service keep changing and there are privacy concerns. Reportedly some users have been engaged in promoting prostitution or pornography. Studies are being done to determine Facebook’s damage to the social fabric of society.
A good friend of mine complains about social media all the time. To him, the site is full of narcissists. On some level he’d consider me one of them.
But for me, participating on Facebook feels like a chance to hang out with people while keeping my distance. I get the irony here; wanting to connect and enjoying the separation at the same time. On some level that’s always been the case with me.
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I’m not entirely socially awkward — I have good friends (who I see in person) and solid, healthy relationships. Now I also have the potential of connecting with people I know (and those I don’t know as well) without leaving my living room. I enjoy both kinds of connections.
One major thing that Facebook has provided for me, is the ability to come out to hundreds of people. When I first posted my relationship status on the site years ago, it felt like a turning point. If you’re a friend of mine, you’ll see pictures of me and my partner — I was never that transparent in high school.
I have a profound appreciation for this kind of exposure. I can post articles, photos, and make comments that friends from all around the world can respond to. There’s something affirming and intoxicating about that.
I feel a boost when I get likes on the stuff I put out there — the mundane and the personal stuff. It feels like people are supporting my interests and (sometimes) agreeing with my tastes.
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As I am in the real world, I’m relentlessly upbeat on Facebook. I don’t go for postings that make fun of people. I don’t get into nasty controversial subjects – I don’t shout people down.
Instead I enjoy creating a virtual scrapbook of my days. It’s like curating an exhibit of my life. Sharing that with a global community helps me feel a bit less lonely.
That’s something I was hard pressed to find when I was younger — mailing letters to comic book publishers and waiting months for a response. Here I connect much sooner — instantly. That kind of camaraderie has never been possible in my life until now.
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Photo credit: Ed Yourdon/flickr