We’ve all been there…feeling frisky and in the mood to share some good lovin’. Maybe you want to spice things up a bit? Dress up, act out a role or tell a naughty tale? At some point, most of us have either shared a fantasy with our lover or really, really wanted to. Oh so often, upon hearing our innermost, super-secret, sexy, hot stories, our lover interprets this as an invitation to make it a reality and enthusiastically begins to plan out an encounter.
“OH NO! I just opened Pandora’s box!” (Yes, pun intended.)
When we are engaging in a sexual act and take a risk by sharing a secret fantasy with you to enhance our intimacy, we are NOT telling you we want to rush out and book the closest dungeon or place an ad on Craigslist.
First, let’s make sure we agree upon the definition of the word fantasy. See below for a widely accepted definition.
- the faculty or activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable.
So let’s start with that sentence. Imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable. This clearly states that fantasy is imagining. The closest you may come to reality is the word improbable.
- not likely to be true or to happen.
Ahh… so not likely to happen. When we are doing the horizontal bop and choose to be vulnerable and share a fantasy with our lover we are beginning from what we believe is a fundamental, mutual understanding that what we are about to share is not something we are actively seeking to make happen.
If that were the case then we would be having a completely different conversation about it… outside the bedroom. Bringing a bedroom fantasy to life is not something that is agreed upon in sexy whispers whilst in the midst of passionate coupling nor are those freaky fantasies fodder for a fun-fueled night of friskiness outside bedroom boundaries.
Those conversations are delicate enough without adding the confusion of a fantasy spoken in the throes of passion. They deserve serious attention and a safe environment free of judgment. Both parties need to be in a place of mutual compassion and curiosity; not breathing heavy, an elevated heart rate and a deep desire to surrender to our partner and give him or her anything they desire as the endorphins and oxytocin blows us out of the rational plane of existence with a mind-bending orgasm.
Studies have shown that upwards of 98% of all people have had sexual fantasies. 79.5% of them use fantasy for arousal purposes. 69.8% are curious about new experiences and sensations. 59.7% use it to meet unfulfilled sexual needs, 59.4% to temporarily escape reality, and 58.4% to express or fulfill a socially taboo sexual desire; among other statistics. Lehmiller, J. J. (2018)
Fantasies are normal. We engage in them for a variety of reasons, most of which are healthy and a few that are not. They can be a wonderfully erotic addition to our bedroom repertoire when used properly and judiciously.
The key here is to leave them in the bedroom. If you have a partner that is willing to share his or her fantasies with you in the midst of bumping beautiful bits count yourself lucky! If you want to consider taking the fantasy out of the bedroom and into the wide, wide world, please wait until another time to raise the topic. It is best to find a time and place, free of distractions (such as hot, sweaty bodies) to maturely discuss what acting out a sexual fantasy would entail. That is a whole new topic and article. If you’re interested in how to have that conversation, hit me up and I’ll write it!
Until then, keep it in the bedroom, keep it hot, keep it safe and judgment-free! Allow your imagination to roam wild while secure in the knowledge that it is only a fantasy shared between two consenting adults.
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