Long-Haul truck driver Todd McCann professes his love for his wife and co-driver in the least vomit-inducing way possible.
The Evil Overlord (my wife and co-driver) and I have been noticing an awful lot of love going around online. Social networks are teeming with couples professing their undying love for each other. They’re usually followed by the obligatory “MUAH,” which Google informs me, is the sound of a kiss. I guess I just don’t make enough kissing noises in my daily life to have recognized that.
To these people, I say good for you. I also say, “get a room.” I do so with a . Seriously, I’m glad that there’s love in the world. I’m happy that there are people who MUAH at each other, even if it does make me throw up in my mouth a little bit. I do hope it’s genuine though. I truly hope their home lives reflect their real life. I’m sure many do. On the other hand, The Evil Overlord and I know some couples who are miserable in real life, but you’d never know it from their online love-fest.
And then there are those who get offended when I take a verbal jab at The Evil Overlord. It happens all the time on my blog and on Twitter. My mother, whom I know will read this at some point (Hi Mom!) is one of those people. I believe that after our marriage of nearly 17 years, she now understands and accepts the way things are. The part that disturbs most folks, including my mom, is the language we use, or perhaps the language that we don’t use. For one, I don’t tell The Evil Overlord that I love her everyday, or even every week. She returns the favor.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. One thing I truly love about The Evil Overlord is that she can’t stand Oprah. She thinks all this self-love, build up your self-esteem stuff, is highly overrated. Tack on the fact that she thinks flowers and cards are pretty much a waste of money, and you’ve got yourself a keeper. Maybe all this Oprah mojo is fine for those women who have some deep, dark past that has left them with self-esteem issues, but not everyone needs a cheerleader pushing woman-power on them. Fortunately for me, confidence is not a problem The Evil Overlord faces.
Many wives needs to hear the words “I love you” numerous times a day. They constantly need their husbands to reassure them that they look good too. The Evil Overlord, on the other hand, doesn’t need or want this. She knows when she looks good and when she doesn’t. Sure, she’ll ask my opinion on an outfit now and then, but she usually ignores me and wears the one she thinks looks better anyway. Good choice, as my sense of fashion is pretty atrocious.
Now for this language stuff. Here’s where we really get to some people. We’ve got A LOT of sarcasm in our relationship. Throw in a few insults and some name-calling and you’ve pretty much got the picture. For example:
- She’ll say something like, “Hey lazy-ass. Why don’t you make yourself useful for a change and fix the shower faucet.” I’ll respond with a loving, “Don’t tell me what to do, woman. Don’t you know your place by now?” She’ll walk away threatening my life as I’m gathering the tools.
- When I’m sitting on my can watching TV, I’ll yell, “Hey wench! Serve me my food.” She’ll holler back telling me where I can put said food. Two minutes later, I’m looking at my old Transformers TV tray with a heaping plate of vittles.
- When I get up in the middle of my sleep to back into a dock or put fuel in the truck, I’ll say, “Good Lord woman, you’re totally worthless. With a smug look, she replies, “Get out there and do your manly duty and quit your whinin’.”
- When she tells me she wants to buy a MacBook, I tell her that only an idiot would pay that much for a computer. She mumbled something like, “I’ll get it if I want it. That’ll teach you to mess with me.” Instead, she refrains from buying one. When I finally catch the Mac bug, she secretly orders ME a top-the-line MacBook Pro for Christmas. She doesn’t get hers for another year-and-a-half.
- When she asks me to quit playing Guitar Hero: Metallica to drive 15 miles into town to get her “the ones with the wings,” I say, “Man, I really hate your guts.” I hear a mumbled “You love me,” as I’m walking out the door with a grin. “No, I really don’t” is the last thing she hears as the door closes. I know she’s grinning too.
The fact is that we don’t feel the need to say “I love you” all the time. We’ve never had a deep, heart-to-heart, tear-inducing conversation about this, but we both know we’re loved by the actions that the other takes. As the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” If I felt that I had to hear it every day, I wouldn’t consider myself to be very confident about the fact. Same with her. Granted, our actions don’t always reflect an ooey-gooey feeling of love. We are married after all.
As for the name-calling, well, I call her The Evil Overlord because she can be as mean as a newly-castrated bull when she wakes up. When we’re home and she’s requested that someone wake her up at a certain time, it turns into a session of, “I’m not doing it; you do it.” Luckily, I’m bigger than my nephews. Out on the road, it’s all on me. Although you can sometimes hear me pleading for help on Twitter.
When she calls me a dumb-ass, well, I know that she’s only implying that I can sometimes act like a childish, brainless turd-flinger. Sometimes names are given for a reason, ya know. Seriously though. I’ve never flung even one, single turd in my life. That’s not any thing my youngest nephew can claim.
So why are so many people hung up on the words, “I love you?” Too many times I’ve heard couples exchange “I love you’s” as one of them walks out the door or hangs up the phone. It doesn’t seem to mean that much to either of them. I’m sure you’ve heard it too. Maybe that’s you. Maybe without you realizing it, it’s even become your version of “See you later.” Gee, that means a lot.
One thing is for sure about my relationship with The Evil Overlord. When one of us says the magic words, it means something, and that’s largely because we don’t say it every day. The words tend to show up at the oddest moments too, catching the person completely off guard. This turns out to be an added benefit because, not only have you told them that you love them, but considering the surprising nature of the situation, you have to explain yourself to them. More examples:
- I might hear the words after I crawl out of bed in the middle of the night to walk her into a dark rest area. When I look at her suspiciously, she’ll respond seriously, “Most men wouldn’t do this.” Whether that’s true or not, I don’t really care. It makes me feel good. Oddly enough, I don’t get the same treatment when I wake up and start whining about freezing my butt off on the way into the rest area.
- The Evil Overlord might get surprised with it as we’re gathered around the Playstation 3 with our nephews; all of us screaming trash-talk at the video game. With her hair up in a bun and no make-up on, she laughs and looks at me like I’m crazy. I’ll reminder her that most wives don’t like for their men to play video games and that I’m lucky to have one who actually joins in the fun. I mean, c’mon guys. What better time to tell your wife that you love her than when you’ve just splattered the walls with some demon bosses guts.
Now please don’t get me wrong here. I would never try to tell you how you should interact with your spouse. You do what’s right for you. Just don’t go hatin’ on me and my heartless wench.
Read more of Todd McCann’s stories from the road on his blog, About Trucking Jobs
HA! Love it, Jenna! Keep having conversations like that and before you know it you’ll be celebrating your 25th wedding anniversary. Oops. Hope that doesn’t scare Sebastien off!
Seriously love the term “raging hag.” Definitely going in my Evil Overlord thesaurus. I’m going to need you to write more comments please. Always looking for creative new names for the heartless wench.
I always joke that the reason my boyfriend and I have stayed together for so long is that we constantly insult each other, because it is the funniest thing ever for both of us. We stay up late at night in bed just laughing and one upping each other. It also can be a safe way to bring up things that bug you without offending the other person. We had this conversation the other day: “Sebastien, do you know what is a dick move? Not doing the dishes for three days because you are such a pretentious ass you can’t… Read more »
Thank you Todd, funny and warm.
You two sounds like two old (male) buddies… 😉
but as long as you love each other, that’s fine by me. 8)
You know Valter, I’m not at all shocked that you say that. The Evil Overlord has known for a long time that she fits in with the guys more than she does the gals. When we used to take our ATV’s to the Little Sahara sand dunes in Oklahoma, my male friends never wanted their wives along, but were fine with The Evil Overlord tagging along. Guys just feel comfortable around her and don’t feel like they need to hold back. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a girl all right. She talks about makeup, scented candles, and tells me she… Read more »
Todd: “she’s a man for all intents and purposes. Only she’s got my preferred set of special parts. LOL The best of both worlds.”
You’re a lucky dude indeed. 🙂
Like! Nice work.
Thanks Jake. Love the name, by the way. Got a nephew named Jake. Hope you’re not as ornery as him.
What a fabulous love story. Thank you!
Love and commitment pours through every word, every creative bit of name calling and every bit of listening to the genuine emotional meaning. You are natural and real with each other with a playfulness and caring that is refreshing and beautiful to behold.
Thank you for writing this. I will be sharing it.
🙂
Joanna
psychotherapist, author of Healing Your Hungry Heart: recovering from your eating disorder
Wow Joanna! I hadn’t realized I was that thoughtful until you put it like that. I better pull it together before The Evil Overlord gets wind of this and knocks the sensitivity out of me with a well-placed roundhouse kick to the head.
Thanks for leaving your thoughts and for passing the word.
Ha 😀 Brilliant!
Would the evil overlord care to contribute? I’d love to hear her side of it.
She would. She says, “Ditto.”
Thanks for trying to get me in trouble, Peter. 😉
Ain’t diversity great? The trick is to find the form that works for you. I’m all with you on the sarcasm, but I know it’s not for everyone. Also, I’m from Scandinavia, and many people here are not much into big words and big emotional declarations (it’s know as the Frozen North for a reason). To some we may appear withdrawn, even cold, but really we’re more comfortable expressing love in other ways. It might be inspirational to look up the idea of Love Languages” (like “the 5 Languages of Love” or whatever). The idea that people have different ways… Read more »
Well said, Lars. Sorry, but I can’t seem to think of your name without thinking of that Heavy Metal character on the Guitar Hero games.
It is great that there are so many different kinds of relationships out there. Can you imagine being stuck with someone who wasn’t on the same page when it comes to expressing love? One would say, “Honey, I love you more than life itself” and the other would reply, “Piss off and die.” Not sure that would work.
Thank for sharing. And Lars… ROCK ON! Sorry. Had to do it. 😉
The times when my husband and I joke like this are indicative of the happiest stages of our marriage.
It isn’t uncommon, when we’re happy, for him to say something like, “You are going to put me in my grave, woman.” If he’s pissed or we’re in a bad spot, you won’t hear that stuff, even though it sounds terrible… It is very telling about a couple’s comfort level when love can be expressed in ways other than the obvious.
Thanks for the fun story. Welcome to GMP!
That’s so true, isn’t it? The Evil Overlord and I are grinning the most when we’re trashing each other. As they say, “It takes all kinds…”
Thanks for your thoughts, and thanks for having me here!
I hope to get to your level of comfort that you have with your wife. My partner and I are on the first level (in gamer speak) so I think it will take awhile to get to that part.
I love your examples by the way, they are so funny!
Good call, Claire. It’s probably unwise to talk to your partner like that in the beginning. Unless of course, you both like hurt feelings and aching “special parts.” 🙂
Thanks for having a read and leaving a comment! Just hang on, and before you know it you’ll be able to threaten your partner’s life without retaliation.
AWESOME!!! Love is a many splendored thing! I once had a boyfriend who insisted on saying I Love You 1000 times a day – in person, on the phone, texts, emails. Once a day or so is fine for me so it really got on my nerves quickly. We had a fight of course, and I finally got him to agree to try something: for one week every time he wanted to say I Love You he had to say some other words. Whatever words they were, they couldn’t be some variation of I Love You but he could express… Read more »
“Honey, you’re an ass.” LMBO!! I can hear The Evil Overlord’s voice saying those exact words in my head right now. Hilarious! That was a great idea you had in making him say something other than “I love you.” There’s nothing wrong with those words, but as you saw, they can be used so much that they lose their meaning. It’s better for both parties that you made him describe his love in other ways. He had to actually think about why he loved you and you got to hear it. Sweet! Thanks for dropping in and leaving your thoughts,… Read more »