Feel Them Pulling Away? Do Not Chase; Do This Instead!

Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.

Overcoming Overinvestment in Dating

One of the most common issues early in dating is the tendency to become overinvested, especially when things seem to be going well. In this video, I will share principles to help you if you feel you’ve become overly invested in your love life.

For the past 17 years, I’ve been helping people find the love they desire, heal from heartbreak, and cultivate the confidence they’ve always wanted.

Before getting into the content, I’d like you to think of a question that you would love to ask me about your love life. If I were sitting beside you right now, what dating question would you want to pose regarding your current situation? Keep that question in mind because, at the end of this video, I’ll provide a way for you to ask it, and I’ll give you a personalized answer tailored just for you.

A Member’s Dilemma

Now, let’s discuss the scenario that inspired this video. One of my love life members reached out with concerns about a guy she had been seeing for about three to four weeks. He then left for a trip with his kids for about two weeks. Initially, their communication was good, and she was enjoying their time together. However, once he left, she heard very little from him.

She received a couple of messages with pictures from the trip but didn’t get any communication for five days. When she finally texted him saying she was thinking of him, he responded with just a heart emoji, and that was it. She felt uncomfortable about messaging him again since he seemed unresponsive.

Many people wonder what it means when someone who was initially interested suddenly becomes less responsive. The truth is, we can’t know what’s going on in his head. However, we can infer that he’s not focused on maintaining or progressing the connection while away.

Importantly, we don’t need to know more than that information to determine the next steps.

From her question, it was clear she had become overinvested. Here’s a simple framework: hold two conflicting truths simultaneously. On one hand, you can acknowledge that this person shouldn’t matter to you this much right now. On the other hand, you don’t want to stifle the romantic side of you that sees potential and wants to keep the spark alive.

It’s easier to fall head over heels for someone or to cut them off entirely if they start to back off. However, living in that nuanced middle ground takes more effort. The first step is to stop valuing someone based on how you feel about them and start valuing them based on how they make you feel.

In her case, while she found him attractive and amazing, his actions made her feel anxious and unwanted. She was not receiving enough communication from him, which highlighted a crucial point: she was putting too much importance on this individual too early in the dating process.

So, how do you begin to lessen someone’s importance? Start by refocusing on other aspects of your life: your friends, hobbies, and activities that genuinely matter to you. Shift your focus and attention elsewhere.

Additionally, it’s a good idea not to immediately jump into plans with him when he returns. Rather, when he reaches out, respond in a way that shows you have not been waiting around for him. If he asks to see you, don’t immediately clear your schedule. Make some plans, and communicate authentically—acknowledge the distance that developed while he was away.

When he does reach out, here’s a response you can consider:

“Hey! It’s nice to hear from you. Did you have a nice vacation? It would be great to catch up, but I’m not free this week. How about next Thursday?”

This response is measured. It shows that you weren’t just waiting for his call and that you have your own life to attend to.

If he returns and doesn’t text you first, resist the urge to reach out immediately. Why text someone who has been unproactive the entire time they’ve been away? Instead, keep your cool.

If you absolutely want to send a text, you might consider something light and playful, like:

“Look what I just saw!” followed by a fun picture. Then, add a line like, “We haven’t seen each other in ages. When are we catching up?”

This approach is both playful and confident, encouraging proactive engagement without diminishing your value.

The Evolution of My Content

It’s been enjoyable making these videos, especially since my work has evolved significantly over the years. While I delve into more profound topics, the core of my content remains addressing specific dating scenarios.

I understand that every situation is unique, and the responses I give might not apply universally. There are always nuances that can shift the dynamics of dating.

I’m thrilled to introduce a revolutionary tool I’ve been developing: Matthew AI. This innovative tool allows you to ask me questions and receive tailored responses. It has been exclusively available to my love life club members until now.

With over 200,000 questions already asked, it’s time for you to have access too.

I want you to go and ask Matthew AI your question. The tool will provide insight into what something means, what actions you can take, and suggestions for your responses.

Check it out at askmhffirst.com to get on the early bird list for when this launches. If it’s after September 4th, you can access it immediately.

Think of Matthew AI as your personal wingman, ready to support you whenever you need it. I can’t wait to hear what you think about this tool. It genuinely could blow your mind!

I’m excited for you to experience this. Visit askmhffirst.com, and I will see you there!

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG

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