Five Things Women Sadly Give Up for a Man

Trying to keep a relationship isn’t always easy for women — some end up losing themselves in the way.

From where I grew up here in Indonesia, women are taught to just sit there and receive. There’s no concept that they can choose or make a decision, especially in marriages.

They simply wait.

If you’re lucky, a good, responsible man will pick you, and you’ll live a fulfilling life, but if you aren’t, then you’ll have lots of those days where you hate your life and everything in it.

Over the past few years, I liked to observe people’s relationships and how they thrive in them. And I noticed women who lose themselves are those who try too hard in their relationship. They put more than what they receive in return.

And these are the common things that women sadly give up in order to “please” their partner.

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1. Their emotional needs

Amir Levine, in his book, mentioned that those who got their emotional needs met by their partner tend to thrive better at things outside their relationship. This means they become more independent and focus on chasing their goals.

But sometimes, when we ask our partner to fulfill our emotional needs, we’re being called clingy or needy. Men got this label, too, but it mostly happens to women.

So what do they end up doing?

They tell themselves that they don’t need their attention and how they can still be happy without their support. Sadly many of them don’t realize this will only put them in a more miserable mental state.

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2. Their voice to express their feelings and opinions

Not many women want to address this issue. It’s either they don’t think it matters that much, or they are afraid it might ruin the relationship instead.

But still, we need to stop normalizing it.

Just because we’re in an intimate relationship with a man, that doesn’t mean we stop expressing our thoughts and opinions. If you aren’t okay with his decision to move out from the country, for example, then you have all the right to say “no.”

I’ve had female friends who end up compromising too much because she doesn’t want to disappoint her husband. Though it’s clear, she wasn’t ready to have kids, but she did it anyway.

Now not only she’s miserable, but also she still has no voice when it comes to making new big decisions with her husband.

One of the healthiest couples I know always prioritizes the art of compromising. They know how to compromise well without hurting their partner’s feelings.

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3. Their alone time

I used to be that woman who never took time off because I wanted to be there for my partner 24/7. I basically put my life around it.

But I definitely wasn’t alone feeling this way. If you haven’t noticed yet, there’re more articles about men needing some space to feel “fresh” again but very few ones when it comes to women.

In fact, we have to encourage each other to take it.

So sacrificing their alone time has become something that women tend to do, and they usually only stop when the relationship fails.

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4. Their friendships

Have you had that one friend who disappeared once she’s in a relationship and came back when she just broke up?

Yeah. I have. And it’s not a healthy way to live your life.

It’s not healthy for your mental health simply because you can’t be too obsessed with your relationship and ditch everything else in the meantime.

But for whatever reason, this thing keeps happening with women. I used to do this too, but now when I got older, I realized you need friends just as much as you need a relationship.

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5. Their hobbies and goals

For some reason, it’s just so hard for women to think that their relationship isn’t their identity. It became something you are proud of when you can hold a relationship for more than a year.

Isn’t it ironic?

I wish I wasn’t one of those women before, but I did.

Not only did I give up my hobbies, but my goal back then revolved around getting married to my partner. I’m not saying it’s a bad goal or anything, but when it’s all your one and only life goal, then you’re definitely missing out.

I remember my mom told me once that she really wanted to be a teacher, but my dad didn’t allow and support her to make it happen. Now it’s no surprise that it remains one of the biggest regrets she has.

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The takeaway

I’d love to explain all the reasons why you should never give up things you enjoy just because you’re in a committed relationship, but I’m sure you already knew.

“Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve” is a good perspective to follow but to know what you deserve, first you need to get to know yourself so well that no man call tell you what you can or can’t have.

So before you devote your time and energy to be in a relationship, it’s always recommended to learn how to settle down with yourself first.

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I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you less alone in the process. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.:)

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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