Your first date will define the future of your relationship. It decides whether you both are truly a match in real life, or it just feels good online.
And because of it, first dates can be so many pressures. Some people pretend to be who someone else is so they can nail it. And the rest just go with the flow — whatever happens, happens.
But I’m going to help you be more prepared. It doesn’t have to be so hard. All you need is to be self-aware and mindful of what you say during your first date.
To break it down, here are things that you should never ever say when you meet someone for the first time — wherever it is.
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“My ex was such a crazy one”
Leave the ex-conversation at home, please.
Your date doesn’t need to hear how your past relationship fails and how’s your ex back then.
What is it that people had the need to bring up their exes on their first date And moreover, say they’re better off without them because now they’re happier than ever? It’s very much unnecessary.
In my experience, when someone talks a lot about their ex on the first date, it only shows me they aren’t truly over it. Because if they really do, there is no reason to bring it up.
You’ve moved on — that’s why you go on a date with someone new now. This is you showing your date that you have a new room in your heart and are ready to put yourself out there in the dating pool again.
So don’t ruin it by talking nonstop about your ex. Nothing ever comes good from it.
“What’s in your checklist?”
We get it. Some people have a long checklist of someone they’d like to settle down with.
But I found it to be a little offensive to ask your date on the checklist and see if you’ve ticked all the boxes. It’s the first date — there’s no way they will know whether you’re the ‘one’ for them or not.
And the same thing with on your end; you don’t have to tell them whatever you have on your checklist.
Give it some time. Talk about light conversations where it has nothing to do with what’s your short or long-term goals in love life.
“How much do you earn?”
Unless they tell you directly how much money they make, it’s never a good idea to bring it up in the first place.
And if they’re the one who keeps talking about it, then you need to take it as a red flag. It’s one of the signs of narcissism as they want you to believe all the highlights of their lives.
While you might be someone who doesn’t mind sharing your income, you never know how’s your date feeling about money in general.
Brief information about your job and how it is should be fine but asking them right away about how much they make is too straightforward for a first date.
“How many people you’ve slept with from this dating app?”
I know how tempting it is to find out how many people your date has been seeing and how ‘special’ you are. But I highly suggest you do not make that move.
It makes people uncomfortable, and some might even think you cross the line.
Another thing about this is that it leads to a whole different conversation you don’t want to deal with on the first date. Let’s say they answered with a number that shocks you.
It’ll be easy for you to respond in a way that’s not truly the nicest of you. And we all know how things go from there.
“You look so much better in your pictures”
People who say this might think it’s a good joke, but it’s really not.
There are some scenarios where the man thinks the girl he’s having a first date with looks bigger than in the picture.
He has no mercy but makes sure she knows she isn’t as attractive as he thought she would be.
That’s the worst thing you can do to someone. You have the chance to destroy their self-esteem and even leave some trauma.
Although it’s true that they indeed look ‘better’ in pictures, there’s literally no need to call them out for it.
Sure, you could feel like they’ve been lying to you because this picture they uploaded on Bumble is actually five years old — they’ve been kittenfished you.
But you don’t have to lose your temper and get angry right there in public.
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The Bottom Line
The first date is all about getting to know someone you like but being self-aware at the same time, so you don’t come off as narcissistic.
This sounds like an easy concept, but you’ll be surprised how many people out there don’t take it seriously enough. As a result, a second date never happens to them.
Don’t let it be you.
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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
