Before embarking on a new relationship – or renewing an existing one – it’s good to do a quick self-check to know if you’re ready for real intimacy, or in need of an upgrade.
Here’s my suggested quick five-point checklist:
1.You respect, accept and appreciate yourself as a man and as a hu-man.
What this means:
– you won’t have anything to prove – you do your best and that’s enough;
– you don’t need excessive reassurance (although appreciation is always nice);
– you don’t need to show off or be admired;
– you don’t need to have power over anyone else;
– you follow your own truth, and are not a ‘people-pleaser’;
The result? – you will be loved and respected for who you are.
2. You don’t take yourself too seriously and you’re able to laugh at yourself
What this means:
– you’re not threatened by criticism, and can accept it if it’s deserved;
– you know that other people’s negativity is often about them;
– you are good company and have close friends;
– you are confident and relaxed in most situations;
– you never resort to violence, and can defuse other people’s aggression;
The result? – you will enjoy life to the full, and will always be learning. until the day you die!
3. You have healed from, and/or working on healing from, any past trauma and buried pain;
What this means:
– you’re able to manage your emotions and don’t let others trigger you;
– you can be understanding and compassionate about other people’s behaviour;
– you make choices that are healthy for you and others;
– you are trusted as a friend, a parent and a partner;
– you forgive yourself for past mistakes, and apologise when needed;
The result? – you will avoid getting drawn into unhealthy relationships!
4. You’re able to share all your authentic feelings, including vulnerability, without shame;
What this means:
– you can choose to spend time with others who do the same;
– you’re capable of real intimacy and connection;
– you enable other people to be their authentic selves with you;
– you don’t suffer from the anxiety that comes with burying feelings;
– you’re never intimidated by, or feel inferior to, anyone else;
The result? – you will always feel at ease and comfortable in your own skin!
5. You have meaningful work and feel part of at least one community (on top of your family)
What this means:
– you’re never bored and have a sense of purpose;
– you always have a good reason to get up in the morning;
– you don’t waste your time (or money) doing things you’ll regret;
– you know you have the only kind of wealth that matters;
– when plans go wrong, you’ll bounce back no matter what;
The result? – you will never feel depressed or need to be envious or judgmental.
Got them all covered? Congratulations, you sound like a proper grown up (most of the time, anyway). Got some gaps? Haven’t we all; the important thing is that you’re aware of them and able to be honest about them – with yourself and with a partner. And that will probably just make them love you more. Luckily, there’s loads of great advice out there – including on the Good Men Project, of course. Good Luck!
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
