Are you feeling overwhelmed, disillusioned, heart-broken, desperate, ashamed, afraid, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, angry etc.?
Remember your wedding VOWS? Was it something like this?
To have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish … to honour and respect… to be faithful and not forsake…
Become true companions and remain lifelong partners… share all that is to come in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow…
Take you with all your faults and your strengths as I offer myself to you with my faults and strengths…
all sorrows and joys, all hardships and triumphs, all the experiences of life…
So why don’t we keep those promises when we get divorced? Is divorce not the “for worse” part of the marriage? Is it not the most sorrowful hardship to bear? Is it not during divorce that we should have and hold each other and not forsake? Did we not promise to take one another with all our faults and to share all that is to come? Those vows do not necessarily mean we have to stay together in an unhappy marriage forever, but rather that we have to respect each other and have an obligation to be civilised and fair when we choose to end an unhappy marriage.
Instead, we often choose to declare war, set out on a path of bitter retaliation and epic destruction to deny or justify our own role in the breakdown of our marriage. It is actually during this devastating life experience of divorce, that we should honour and respect our spouses, with dignity. That is what a true companion and lifelong partner does, especially when bound by children, extended family and friends.
With the divorce rate as high as 60%, we ought to change our vows to “For Better of Divorce” and make a conscious commitment to mediation with a collaborative process to dissolve marriages.
Do the honourable thing and Get a Fair Divorce.
This post was originally published on FairDivorce.co.za and is republished with permission from the author.
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