Aw, shucks! We are instructed to seek “social validation” for our sentiments for someone in the “culture” in which we live. Yes, we succumb to this “peer pressure,” but only to discover that we have already erred. Despite being aware of her lack of self-love, I had a friend who was not ready for marriage and eventually struggled to divorce her toxic relationship.
Undoubtedly, the marriage system is normalized in our society, as if it were the only way to support our claims. This prevents people from expressing their autopoiesis in romantic love and relationships. With all due respect, I am not disparaging the marriage system, which is a socio-legal system of a sexual contract, but one should also not belittle the anuptaphilian system.
Photo by Andrea Dibitonto on Unsplash
Anuptaphile is a way of thinking about single living. Of course, it does not endorse and require the concept of loving another person. The only kind of love that matters is love for oneself. Imagine loving someone else without first loving yourself. It’s absurd and impossible.
Being an anuptaphile or loving oneself is, in my opinion, intersectional. I didn’t always have this quality. Thanks to the structural harm caused by social norms, parenting, and love movies from Bollywood. I disagree that anuptaphilia is a sign of narcissistic tendencies, but it is important to be cautious when drawing distinctions between self-love and narcissism in this situation.
Being single has encouraged me to explore who I am. We’re so conditioned to socialize that we ultimately miss the most essential person because of it (i.e. self). I’m not sure if I would have been torn between desiring and pursuing love if it weren’t for my anuptaphilianism. Although it is natural and humane to love and be loved, this does not imply that one should grovel for affection. Not only does pleading for love destroy self-respect, but it also keeps us in the dark.
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On the other hand, a common misunderstanding is that anuptaphilia is synonymous with loneliness.
Not at all, no. Being alone does not necessarily mean that you are lonely. By loving yourself, traveling by yourself, examining your mind and heart, and self-dating, you can achieve solitude — the state of accepting g yourself as you are and enjoying your defects. The complete opposite of all of this is loneliness. Despite being surrounded by many people, loneliness might still exist.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
