We tend to raise our children the way we grew up, but this should not be an excuse to pass down these destructive, but all-too-common lessons. By keeping the good and omitting the bad, we can provide our kids with an easier childhood than we had and prepare them for a better adulthood. Is that not the whole point of parenting?
Time to rid ourselves of these misguided bits of Boomer wisdom:
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- “If a boy is mean to you, it’s because he likes you.”
- This teaches girls to accept poor treatment and normalizes abuse. Replace this with, “if he really likes you, he needs to be nice to you.”
- “If you were really sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
- Even for an adult this makes very little sense, but it is significantly worse to say to a child whose morality is still developing. It is important to give kids a way to make up for the mistakes they will undoubtedly make. Saying sorry alone may not be enough (especially when specific actions could help repair the situation), but there needs to be some way forward to avoid a shame spiral.
- “If they bully you again, punch them in the nose.”
- This was cute in grandpa’s stories, but in 2020, we can do a bit better.
- “It is rude to ask people about their disability.”
- While this might come from a desire not to offend anyone, it has larger societal consequences that you are imparting on your child and anyone who hears it. Not only are you depriving them of the chance for a positive learning experience and human connection, but also you are implicitly teaching them that a disability is a bad thing.
- “If a boy is mean to you, it’s because he likes you.”
Regardless of how you were raised, we can all improve on our upbringing in one way or another. By teaching our kids to show kindness, compassion, and humility, we are creating a brighter future full of loving adults.
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