It would be great if a relationship was perfectly balanced. Can you even imagine the number of fights that would be avoided because both parties were putting in exactly the same amount of effort?
Unfortunately, that’s not the reality that most people face in their dating journey. We may believe that we can make a relationship succeed if we try our hardest but that isn’t true nor is it realistic.
In fact, it is extremely important to recognize if you are getting burnt out with your partner so that you can try to shift the balance before it’s too late.
Here are four signs that you are giving more than your partner in your relationship.
#1. You feel insecure about where you stand with them
I understand feeling this way at the beginning of a relationship. When things are just beginning you are still getting to know someone and figuring out if the two of you can sustain a long-term romance.
However, I know a couple that has been rocky since the beginning of their relationship named Jane and Matt.
Jane continually talks about how she feels like she doesn’t know where she stands with Matt even though they have been together for a long time. Matt, on the other hand, has told his friends that he isn’t sure if he wants to be with Jane and he has never felt one-hundred percent committed. In fact, he bought a house recently and told her that he doesn’t want her to move in so that they both have their own space.
Jane wants to get engaged but feels like that is becoming less and less of a reality. As she becomes more insecure and tries to get closer to Matt, he pushes her further away.
#2. You initiate all plans and communication
I have a friend that has been dating someone off and on for a year now. She plans all of their dates and has to reach out first because he never texts or calls her.
My friend expressed her fear that if she doesn’t make the effort, she’ll never hear from him again. Eventually, in her own time, she expressed her feelings to her boyfriend about the fact that their relationship was a one-way street. He responded that he didn’t want to be in the relationship but she had kept planning things and reaching out so he just went along with it.
Although it didn’t end the way she wanted, my friend is now striving to be in a relationship that has someone who actually wants to be with her, instead of wasting time on someone who simply isn’t invested in the future.
#3. There is a financial imbalance
Now, I’m not referring to this as one partner makes more money than the other. That is going to happen in a relationship and it is perfectly normal.
I am referring to the imbalance that occurs when one partner allows or takes advantage of the finances available to them without contributing to the relationship.
Years ago I was with someone who made the same exact amount of money that I did but continually expected and pressured me to pay for our food and activities. I ended up feeling taken advantage of and hurt that it was one-sided even though it didn’t need to be. Things ended because I was being used needlessly for my partner’s financial gain and that selfishness carried into other parts of our relationship.
#4. You struggle to get them to open up
There have been numerous relationships I have been in where the other person refused to be vulnerable but expected me to put my heart out on the table.
In college, I dated a guy named Jake who was fun and handsome but extremely guarded. Although I was vulnerable and honest with him, it always felt like he was putting up a wall between us. He wouldn’t open up at all unless he had a drink or two and even then I couldn’t tell the truth from the lies.
Our relationship ended because we couldn’t sustain a long-term commitment when I was the only one that wanted to take things deeper than just surface-level.
Personally, when I look back on my past there were so many times that I continually gave and gave in my relationships without receiving enough, if anything, from them in return.
An important lesson I learned the hard way was that I am not enough to sustain a relationship by myself. Yes, it may work for a certain amount of time but eventually, resentment, anger, and sadness will begin to spill over.
Life is short and if I am going to spend it with another human being, I am most certainly going to ensure that we are putting effort into making things work…. together.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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