Ok, so there’s this person who has piqued your interest. You talk a lot with each other, you always pair off together, and you think, no, you know the feeling is mutual, it must be, well, so you think.
You decide to take the bold and noble step and ask if the feeling is mutual. To your surprise, you are told, ‘I view you as just a friend’.
You walk away, vowing never to let this happen to you EVER again!
Sure enough, if that has ever happened to you, the pain and anger you feel cannot be fully expressed in words.
The Problem
“I was so angry — angry at him and at myself! We had been texting each other every day, and he showed a real interest in me. Naturally, I developed feelings for him,” says a young woman.
In today’s world, realise that it is easy to form a relationship with anyone, anywhere. You don’t even have to be in the same space to feel close to each other. Texting and social media make this all too easy. Consider how.
1. Texting to kill time. You’re waiting for a bus or your train to work, so what do you do? You decide to text someone just to kill time. Unknown to you, the other person feels that you’re taking time out of your busy schedule to spend time with them. They mistake this as a sign of interest, and if you do this every single day, then the other party is sure to buy into this idea very quickly.
2. Texting as a confidence booster. Consider this: a single man has been feeling low lately, and so he decides the best way to feel good is to text someone who can give him a confidence boost; that person happens to be you. On the other hand, you think that he’s showing genuine interest in you. Soon enough, though, you start to develop an emotional attachment to him.
The Solution
Don’t mistake attention for affection
Considering the above examples shows how easy it is to get attached to another person. Someone giving you their time doesn’t mean that person wants a relationship with you. To them, they are simply giving you their time. It is best to wait until you know for sure that the feeling is indeed mutual.
Avoid building a sandcastle relationship
All too often, we fall in love too quickly; we let others in too soon and easily. Perhaps this is a result of our need to love and to be loved. The trouble of loving too quickly is that we tend to build a sandcastle relationship in our mind, one that is quickly swept away when we realise the romance was real, but only in our own imagination.
Don’t get your heart involved too soon
When matters of the heart are concerned, logic sometimes goes out the window. How often have you made a decision with your emotions only to realise later that you made the wrong decision? The heart, if not controlled, can hijack our thinking faculties, hence the need to exercise self-control.
Recap:
Avoid texting to kill time
Avoid texting as a confidence booster
Avoid building a sandcastle relationship
Don’t mistake attention for affection
Don’t get your heart involved too soon
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What if the feeling was mutual, but now you’ve broken up. Click the link below to find out how to deal with a breakup, but first click the follow button below.
Dealing with a Breakup. You will heal. | by Brown Boi | Curious | Sep, 2021 | Medium
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Till the next edition, keep spreading love, you know you should : )
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P.S
This is piece No 7— Day 5of a 30 day challenge. I’m playing this game with
Ali and Hamsalekha , leave a comment below if you want to join.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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