I’ve not had a close relationship with my family for decades now. My momma and I have always been hot and cold, but that’s been her choice since I was 12 and she defended my sister’s father, who was sexually assaulting me.
I’ve chosen, many times over the years, to let bygones be bygones, to be the bigger woman in an effort to have a “family”. In my late 20’s, I really just stopped caring if they would ever accept me, because I accept me. I’m 100% okay with me, and they can be also, or they can kick rocks.
I have to mention this last episode, though, because it’s so blatantly obvious that it’s meant to be a slap in the face, I had to laugh.
My mother’s sister, who was always my favorite aunt growing up, has been battling with lupus for years. However, she has been well enough that she was visiting here from Ohio in October, and then again last week.
There are pictures from both visits at baseball games, the beach, out to eat, just really tearing it up in The Bay. My younger brother and sister are present in several of the photos as well.
Mind you, I live an hour from all three of the aforementioned family members. 60 minutes. Yep.
To add insult to injury, my momma sent me a message after the last visit I was conveniently passed over throughout and told me how they just couldn’t wait to visit with me during this visit last week.
Almost as though they wanted me to sit and wait by the no longer existing home phone and cry about it while I twiddled my thumbs. It certainly could have been a message not sent, and nobody would have been the wiser over here.
I’ll admit, I haven’t chased relationships in years. If you know my contact information and choose not to contact me, you’ll be hard pressed to find me reaching out to you. That goes for anyone in my life, not just “family”. Still, when you tell someone you’ll reach out for a certain event, then don’t, well that sort of feels like you’ve thumbed your nose at them, wouldn’t you agree?
Now, a younger and pettier version of myself would have commented on the photos all across social media. However, my solution these days is simply to unfollow them. Clearly, we don’t have anything to entertain when it comes to a relationship, and I don’t need the reminders in my feed.
I just don’t have time for the passive aggressive dumb shit in my life anymore. This clears up about 74% of it in one move.
Also, this means I’m not the black sheep any longer. I’ve found my own flock, and they’re fucking fantastic.
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
From The Good Men Project on Medium
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