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When Kai Ambakad came out to his mother, her reaction was a mixture of sadness, anger and rejection. Then 19, Kai decided that the best course was to give his mother some space and let her process the news. Days later, her reaction had only worsened – she began telling him how he would never have a family and that she would never attend his wedding if he got married.
This hostility continued for seven months until one day it hit a breaking point. Out of nowhere, she told him that, because he was gay, he would never have children of his own. This stung Kai to the point that he finally decided to stand up to his mother, telling her that he didn’t need her in his life if she was going to continue treating him this way. The threat of losing her son shook Kai’s mom back to reality, helping her realize that she couldn’t continue acting like this. Eventually with a little bit of time and some help from Kai, she learned not only to accept him but to embrace him and every facet of his identity as a gay man, asking about the rainbow flag, Pride festivals, and even asking about his dating life.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
Hi, I’m Kai Ambakad from Fullerton, California. I was 19 and I was going to do errands and just
have a good day with my mom. So we went out on a Sunday and we were shopping for wedding clothes,
and then after that we went to go eat, and then from there we were just enjoying each other’s
company, like mother and son really should. And eventually when we got back home,
I felt this unexplainable urge to be able to talk to my mom about anything, and so I brought up the
topic of my relationship and I told her that I had something to tell her. She had a slight smirk on
her face, and I think she was thinking that I was going to tell her that I had a girlfriend.
And eventually she asked me what the secret was and I said, “Well, it’s not a secret, but
I’m gay.” And everything changed in that moment. From her not wanting to accept me, the smile
turning into much less of a smile and more into, “I’m about to cry,” type of facial expression,
and calling me nasty names and saying that I need to see a medical professional she knows in India.
And the list goes on from there, and just took the hits as they were coming. And then after that,
I left the car and I ran running into my room and cried for about a week.
So in the following week, after all of that had happened, I went ahead and started reflecting
on what happened. And I started thinking, “Maybe she’s saying all this because she
really doesn’t know what’s happening.” I decided that maybe I just need to give her
some education and some time to really process what’s going on, because this is a huge deal.
Once I decided that, the following week she started throwing even lower balls by saying
that she wouldn’t be at my wedding, and that I wouldn’t have a family.
So this continued on for seven months. And one day my mom was actually getting
ready for a party. I was in the room talking to her, having a conversation, and eventually the
conversation led to her throwing a low jab and she said that I would never have children. And
when I said I would have children, she said, “You wouldn’t have children of your own.”
I decided that that was the last straw, because I didn’t need to hear that anymore. And I told
her if she wanted to be a part of my life, if she wanted to be at my wedding or be a
part of my future children’s lives, then she was going to treat me with
respect and stop throwing the low jabs. The way that she reacted was more like,
“Oh shit. Okay, let me take a step back because I think now I’m actually hitting
cords here.” And so she had to try and recover, and then from there is when she decided that she
needed to actually start treating me like a person and a human being with feelings.
And then eventually she just started saying she just didn’t know how to take this. She started
telling me more about how she was afraid, and she didn’t want me to end up not having
anybody in my life, and people pushing me away. I started telling her, “Don’t worry about me.
I am an adult. I’m not a baby anymore.” I was 19 at that point. So I’m like, “You have to remember
that I can take this kind of stuff now. People will say stuff to me and if I can’t handle that,
that’s going to be my problem to deal with.” So since that conversation we’ve gone through
so much, and we’ve learned a lot of each other. Not just my mom learning from me,
me learning from my mom too. And she’s made such huge strides, like she’s started learning more
about what the rainbow flag represents, and she’s now knows what the Pride Festival is,
and she’s now actively asking me about my romantic life and if there’s any new boys in my life.
We got to this point in life because I needed to be able to stand up against what was being thrown
at me. Never give up, be brave, put a strong face on. Because at the end of the day, you are your
own advocate, and sometimes people aren’t going to take it and that’s okay, but you need to know when
they’re passing a fine line of boundaries and not respecting you as a human being.
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
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