Follow this tip and thank me later.
It’s a common story: you’ve been on a couple of dates with a woman, everything seems to be going great — you’re dishing out charm, she seems thoroughly enchanted by your dashing wit and unabashed confidence.
So, feeling bold and courageous, as only a true alpha can, you invite her over for drinks, and she accepts. Once back in your boudoir things start to heat up, the air sizzles with frenetic sexual energy and it appears you’re both on the same explosive orgasmic page.
Until suddenly, you’re not.
Until she suddenly stops everything and tells you it’s not going to happen tonight. Until she says she’s not having sex with you tonight for reasons she refuses to disclose.
She’s reconsidered.
She says it feels off.
And that’s all you’ll ever know.
It cuts deep, right? Stings like a bitch. You try to change her mind, but she’s firm in her decision. Resolute like Winston Churchill facing off the Luftwaffe invasion in the Battle of Britain. Of course this makes you question yourself:
- Maybe you’re but ugly.
- Maybe she’s been to funerals funnier than your pathetic jokes.
- Maybe your body reminds her of Jabba the Hutt.
- Maybe your kissing style makes her want to vomit.
- Maybe you smell worse than raw sewage.
- Maybe she’s got someone else in mind, some better. Someone she prefers over your black ass.
- Maybe you’re just not up to par, in any way, shape, or form.
Such rejections can naturally lead to lashing out, a reaction not uncommon among men — and women, too. This isn’t just a guy thing in any way, shape,‘or form.
However, responding negatively to said rejection not only reflects badly on your character, but destroys any chance of future intimacy. So, with that in mind, I’m about to share a better approach, but first, let me tell you a story.
You ready?
Here comes the pain!
Story number 1 — June 2011
Years back, I was dating this woman who, after two wildly passionate dates, suggested we go out for a third at. a vibrant spot in Covent Garden known for its live performers. After dinner, as we waited for the Tube, I suggested going back to my place and lo and behold she refused. Despite my persistence, she stood her ground and I got visibly frustrated. More with every passing second.
With a mysterious smile, she told me she wasn’t coming home with me that night and left. A couple days later she texted to say she just wasn’t feeling it anymore, leading me to wander the streets pondering what went wrong – a revelation that came to me much later, which I’ll share after my next story.
…
Story number 2 – January 2020
Before COVID-19 was recognized as a global threat, I was in Thailand, sharing a hotel with other travellers and getting drunk way more often than I should have. One night, a beautiful Canadian and I hit it off and I took her back to my room. Once there, things escalated quickly until, moments into foreplay, she stopped, teary-eyed, saying I reminded her of her ex.
Instead of pushing, I respected her wishes and put on South Park instead, the episode was “Scott Tenorman Must Die,” a classic. Anyway, surprise surprise but maybe 10 minutes into the episode, she decided she was horny again.
Now, why did she change her mind? Because I made her feel safe and respected. When she felt vulnerable, I didn’t push; I didn’t pressure her, which ultimately made her comfortable enough to continue.
So here’s the bottom line:
When a woman says no, stay calm, be respectful, and reassure her that it’s completely okay
This doesn’t guarantee she’ll change her mind that night, but it does set the stage for future possibilities. It’s not just the decent thing to do; it’s also the most effective.
A double win.
The woman from the first story sensed my desperation which turned her off. The second woman, however, felt my calm assurance and felt comfortable engaging.
In scenarios like these, it’s crucial to let go and focus on being present rather than what you lose by the rejection. This approach not only shows respect but fills your own cup of self-worth.
And with that, I bid you goodbye in multiple languages.
Remember, while sex without love is shallow, it’s still quite the ride.
Excelsior!
…
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Valeriia Miller on Unsplash
Sex without rapport and someone genuinely caring is disgusting, for me at least. I think for many females. Men have to know, testosterone makes them need less emotional connection. Not none, but it does matter less. I have been on both sides of hormones and it makes a difference. All of these articles boil down to the same thing, every single time. Treat women like humans and actually care about them. That should be simple I would think. I wonder why it is not.