‘Dadchelor Parties’ give soon-to-be dads a wild night out before fatherhood.
There has never been more substantial proof that modern men are taking on more responsibilities with raising children than the Paternal Baby Shower. Dubbed the Dadchelor Party, it’s a soon-to-be dad’s last night with “the boys” before confronting the brave new world of diapers, child proofed cabinets, and spelling out curse words.
Carley Roney, editor in chief of TheBump.com, explained the recent Dadchelor Party boom to The Huffington Post, “In the (19)50s it all fell on the girls. Now, it’s a shared responsibility. Guys are just as overwhelmed by the thought of how much their lives are going to change. This is the antidote to that, the hedge against it.”
Only a rookie to the milestone themed party scene, consensus has yet to be reached on what exactly is a Dadchelor Party. Ask around and someone could paint you a picture of a bonus bachelor party where men get another free pass to act like frat boys, or an epic spring break-esque last hurrah.
However, out of all the shenanigans the Dadchelor Party attendees shared with The Huffington Post, crashing a Michael Jackson look-alike contest and impersonating a football player on the hotel lobby’s front desk were among the most “wild.”
So, bachelor party part deux or just a bunch of friends getting inebriated and doing funny shit? Writers Craig Playstead and Aaron Gouveia give their take on the story about the new Dadchelor Party phenomenon.
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Aaron Gouveia: While I don’t like the idea of using corny labels such as “Daddymoon” or “Dadelor Parties,” I’m very much in favor of a last hurrah with the guys.
Some people think the minute a positive pregnancy test surfaces, guys need to give up nights carousing with the guys and all traces of their previous lives. That’s just not the case. Of course, dads will have to give up SOME of that. You can’t be out every night with a wife and kid at home if you actually want to stay with said wife and kid. And unfortunately, many wives are completely uptight, tyrannical dictators who fail to see the wisdom of allowing their husbands with a guys night out. Especially with the due date bearing down.
But I’ve taken each and every one of my friends out for an irresponsible night of debauchery prior to them becoming dads. And I highly recommend it.
It doesn’t mean we’re incapable of being responsible husbands or that we’ll be horrible dads. Most dads-to-be have been busy reading baby books, preparing the nursery and dealing with crazy pregnant wives. I don’t think one night of drunken fun with buddies is too much to ask. Not only does it help relieve the stress and apprehension of becoming a new dad, but it shows him he’s married to a very cool woman who realizes it’s OK to think about yourself from time to time.
Again, this is not a recommendation to go out and party every night. It’s simply a reminder that we don’t completely stop being ourselves just because we had a kid.
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Craig Playstead: Let me be clear: I’m in favor of anything that gives us an excuse to throw a party. I love getting the guys together, growing that bond and getting the rust off. But let’s not take things too far.
The article states the reason for these Dadchelor Parties is “… one more night where responsible decisions don’t matter.” They come complete with something called a “diaper keg” where men bring diapers in exchange for beer—basically treating it like another bachelor party.
Well, guess what, guys. The minute you found out your wife was pregnant, the life that involved “responsible decisions that don’t matter” ended. Like it or not, that baby is alive and well in her stomach and needs to be cared for – through her. You’re done acting like a total jackass. You can party, it just needs to shift from partying like a jackass to partying like a man. One eye is always on your responsibilities.
The guys in the story allow a one-month cushion so, as they say, “the wife doesn’t go into labor.” My first baby came 5 weeks early and it was an emergency situation. It’s been 12 years since that happened, but I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn’t been there to handle the situation. Believe me, one month isn’t enough.
We have bachelor parties and those make sense. If you really want to throw your buddy a party because he’s having a kid, here are a few real-life ideas that will help him for the next 18 years.
The last thing the new dad needs is tons of alcohol. What he does need is time. Get him a hotel room for a night and let him do his business by himself for as long as he wants, because after Charlie is mobile, he’ll be on a stopwatch when on the throne with Curious George books being thrown under the door.
Instead of a nightclub, he needs a three-hour meal at a steak house. This meal must consist of a cocktail, appetizer, red wine, the perfect cut of meat, sides, dessert, a cigar and glass of port. He won’t eat like this for another 18 years. If he does make it back to the steakhouse he won’t enjoy it because he’ll be checking his watch every half-hour as the babysitting bill starts to rivals the cost of that steak. Tough to relax when the clock is ticking.
I’m all for evolving as men, which we’ve done, and fatherhood is the best example of that. But let’s stop making up cutesy names for taking our buds out. As we mature, we need to class it up and help improve one another’s lives. Remember, as men we have nothing to apologize for.
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Craig Playstead is a freelance writer and father of three living in the suburbs of Seattle. His articles aimed at “entertaining and helping the average guy” have been read by millions throughout the years. You can find more of his work on his blog.
—Photo Gilbrit/Flickr
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Frat boy mentality is way too inconsistent with marriage and fatherhood. The transition has been glossed over too long hoping that some devine intervention might occur to turn boys into the men society needs to head families. No such magic wand has been found, and grown boys don’t morph into men overnight. Society cannot afford to ignore such necessary transitions to encourage a stable society. More involvement, not less, with children is what every child have the right to expect, and what men have the right to expect from society. Few lessons on fatherhood attachment bonding exist; they have yet… Read more »
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Shelby: Actually there is a female equivalent to the Hangover. “Bridesmaids” was just in the box office recently and that’s precisely how it was marketed. Erin: In looking back at the discussion I think you’re right, we’re actually saying (mostly) the same things. But I will disagree with you on the crazy pregnant wife comment. You think that’s mean spirited, but I say it’s accurate. Of course pregnant women get crazy, it’s understandable. Their bodies are changing, hormones going nuts…it’s inevitable. I’ve long since been on the record that my wife was never sexier than at the end of her… Read more »
I wasn’t pretending anything wasn’t true DaddyFiles. I’m well aware that pregnant women are flooded with hormones. But I still think the comment is mean spirited because it’s putting women down. I am also not a fan of the ever popular “bat shit crazy” comments that often get tossed around in regards to women. These are put downs, not comments made to lift women up going through tough times. I am not saying fathers and fathers to be don’t deserve a break. I just think it would be nice if there was a little more masculine understanding and kindness then… Read more »
Can it be a put-down if it’s also the absolute truth?? The term “bat shit crazy” is not relegated to women (at least in my vernacular). Anyone can be bat shit crazy, regardless of gender. But I do have to note some hypocrisy in your statements. You condemn my alleged sense of entitlement because I think responsible dads-to-be deserve a one night break, but then you show your own entitlement by saying “and the time after that where the child is going to be very dependent on the mother.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but a newborn baby is very… Read more »
Make up your mind DaddyFiles, first you lay into me because you misconstrue my comments. Then you come back and agree we are pretty much saying more similar things then dissimilar on this issue, (this was after you made some directly catty comments to me that I didn’t harp on and infact tired to joke around with you on.) And now your back to tell me I said you didn’t deserve a one night break despite the fact that I didn’t say that at all. Come on. You know what I am saying. As for my alleged hypocriticalness, I absolutely… Read more »
I love going out with the guys, and even organize weekends for my buds a few times a year. I’ve had many, many nights out after my kids were born. My issue is with thinking that having a kid is equal to needing one more night of debauchery. That’s a bachelor party. What you need is one more night out to to get you ready for what you’ll lose after you have kids: time, money, your mind and the fact that parenting is in your head constantly. It could also be argued if you want to have a blow-out then… Read more »
Daddy Files, the fact that your a Patriots fan alone is enough to know you wouldn’t ever be invited into my basement let alone have the privilege of seeing my chains (die hard Jets fan here). All in all, I really don’t think we are saying anything that much different. We do disagree about some things but on this subject, I think we are more alike then not. As Shelby (thank you Shelby), pointed out, I see nothing wrong in having a guys night that really is about the guys. I think going to a sporting event or playing poker… Read more »
“I don’t really think there are too many positives in celebrating life events such as marriage and babies by stuffing finger tips down a g-string” I’ve always thought that bachelor parties are an odd, and a little offensive, way of celebrating an upcoming marriage. The fact that some guys seem to be jumping on the idea of using fatherhood for a repeat is quite strange to me. But, to be fair, I think that the article indicates that dadchelor parties are primarily about drinking. Aside from implication of “bachelor” in the name, there’s nothing to really indicate that strippers are… Read more »
I don’t think she was insinuating YOU treat your family like crap; she was addressing it to “guys.” And I think she specifically meant guys who would use the “dadchelor party” to do stupid things (and by stupid, I mean stupid by most people’s standards, including yours). As for what’s “bachelor-party level fun” (God I’m starting to use too many quotation marks) there’s a reason why movies like The Hangover become such hits. And there’s a reason why there’s no female equivalent. I think if you say “bachelor party” to just about anyone, they’ll admit the first two things that… Read more »
“Come on guys. Grow up already. Stop trying to find reasons to treat your own families like crap.” Insinuating that I treat my family like crap because I go out for a night of drinking will get my Irish up every time. As it should. And actually she did claim that once you’re married you shouldn’t have bachelor-party level fun with your guy friends. I disagree with that. Vehemently. But let me ask you this, what’s the difference between the stereotypical “Girls Night Out” and a “bachelor party do-over?” Aren’t they both nights of drinking, partying and fun? If you… Read more »
Aaron, I was surprised by your level of vitriol against Erin. The first thing she wrote is “a night out with your guy friends is fine.” She never claimed that once you get married you should never go out with your guy-friends again. And I don’t think anyone would consider going to a baseball game an “irresponsible night of debauchery,” which is what the article was talking about. There is a difference between having time to hang with your friends, and having some kind of “bachelor party” do-over. A guy shouldn’t feel like he has a “free pass” to be… Read more »
Completely agree with Aaron. My wife is incredibly supportive of the fact that I need to still be a man and hang out with my friends from time-to-time. We don’t do anything crazy … beside drink some beer and play some cards and golf. If that makes me an awful parent, then I guess I have to take the other 51 weekends a year more seriously. Like Aaron … I support my wife’s need to do the same and encourage her to do so. In fact … I make sure she does those things by sending her away for a… Read more »
Erin: Give me a break. You’re telling me that because I like to go out once every 1-2 months with my friends that I’m “stupid” and “treating my family like crap?” That is completely ridiculous. First of all, I’m not talking about strippers. I never mentioned strippers and I hate strip clubs. I’m talking about going to a bar with friends, or even staying home. Hell, our fantasy football draft doubled as a final night out before one of my friends had a baby. We hung out together, told old stories, laughed like hell and got ridiculously drunk. No wives… Read more »
A night out with your guy friends is fine. A night of debauchry where guys have a second bachelor party by celebrating a child with their wife seems really disrespectful and less about still being who you are and more about just finding an excuse and free pass to disrespect your wife and family with strippers, booze and women. Isn’t that the reason why people have bachelor/bachelorette parties when they get married? Isn’t that suppose to be your final night of “debauchry” . I do however love Aaron’s justiification on why dads should get out having to deal with their… Read more »
I agree. The ways that men and women deal with familial responsibility are so vastly different. Bachelorette parties are a fairly recent development. Women are basically just aping the behavior of men. Typically women had bridal showers and baby showers. In both cases, the focus is on what is being gained – a husband or a family. When you look at the parties for men, however, the focus is often on what is being LOST. In the case of a bachelor party, it’s access to other women’s bodies and in dadchelor it’s the loss of beer-time. Focusing on the loss… Read more »
Lindsey: I can’t help but feel the tone of your comments indicates women still fancy themselves condescendingly superior to men. Have you seen bachelorette parties lately? I sure have and let me tell you, they’re not sitting around knitting or even planning the wedding. They are friggin nuts. And that’s fine, have at it. As long as they’re not being unfaithful no harm no foul. Same with bachelor parties. It’s not the “loss of strippers and beer.” That comment shows you have no idea what you’re talking about. However, sometimes (depending on the people involved) upcoming nuptials do mean the… Read more »
So now you’re going to bite my head off like you did with Erin? Where did I ever say that going to a dadchelor party made you a bad father? A person’s initial attitude to additional responsibility doesn’t mean that they’ll shirk their responsibility later. All I said is that the attitude toward having a family seems to be different between men and women. Just an observation. Having a child reduces your discretionary spending, but you don’t see women going to “one last shopping spree.” Having a child wreaks havoc on a woman’s figure, but you don’t see new moms… Read more »
Erin,
Where in the article did it mention “strippers” or “women” in regard to these parties? Oh it didn’t. That’s just your own invention, bias, and stereotyping against men. One night of drinking with friends doesn’t equal “treating your families like crap.” That is so stupid it doesn’t justify a response. In your other responses below, you continue to bring up stippers, which neither the article nor anyone else is advocating. You have issues. A site for men and about men is probably not the best place for you.
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