Mark Radcliffe insists that there may be a better, happier YOU that you could become.
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This is for everyone who’s ever rolled their eyes at the notion of getting on the couch. This of you who’ve scoffed at the idea of opening your heart to a stranger, who view it as a ridiculous sort of confessionalism, strictly for feeble-minded mental weaklings who depend on a pathetic crutch to navigate daily life.
Because I was one of them, too. Hell, most of us who have therapists now once were.
But here’s the thing: pretty much any of us who’ve seen a therapist have eventually said: “Not only did I need it more than I realized, but I know a whole lot of people in my life could benefit from this, too.”
Because the truth is, we’ve all got something to work on with ourselves, particularly in the murky world of our emotional history and how it might be influencing our current lives. None of us is ever completely free of folly, of hurting someone’s feelings, of perhaps holding ourselves back in some way. We just can’t always admit it.
But for the same reason that even the best athletes in the world continually seek out ways to improve themselves, or at least keep their skills sharp with daily training, there’s not a human on the planet who can’t still improve some aspect of their mention or emotional well-being.
And yet for some reason, we’re all remarkably open to seeking outside help for improving aspects of our lives like our golf swing, but not so much with our mental outlooks. Why is that?
Well, there’s the age-old notion that it’s OK for men to take whatever means necessary to improve their physical well-being (can anyone say steroids?), but when it comes to our emotions, well, a man knows how to keep those in check. He’s in control of them; not the other way around.
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But let’s just take a hard look in the mirror:
Maybe you and your partner are fighting more than ever.
Or you’re repeating the same old patterns in your dating history and for some reason aren’t ending up with a person who really suits you as a healthy partner.
Or you haven’t been happy in your job (or career) in years.
Who knows, maybe you’ve let your body go a bit and aren’t happy about it.
Or you’ve never really gotten over your ancient frustrations with your parents.
Or you haven’t talked with your brother or sister in two years now.
Or maybe the last time you genuinely made a new friend was in college.
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Admit it: you’re a bit stalled out. There are some areas of your life that could use improvement.
And that’s where getting the perspective of a professional can help.
Sure, you’re still doing fine; the majority of the world hasn’t noticed, they still think you’re the shit, and your 401k is moving along just fine, people, so back the hell off.
But you know better. Even if you can’t admit it here, to your partner, or to yourself.
There’s a better you you could become.
And maybe you’re simply stalled because you’ve been trying to do it all on your own.
And no one really makes it on their own.
Sure, you’ve known that, too, and thought: that other person will be my partner. Or business partner. Or friend. Or partner to the person who loves you most.
But maybe it’s not. Maybe they’re disguised as the one thing you were trained to hate the idea of since 5th grade: a therapist.
And guess what:
If you’ve ever hired a plumber to help fix the pipes.
A private music teacher to get better on guitar.
A personal trainer to train for that triathlon.
A private tax consultant.
An attorney.
A martial arts teacher.
A massage therapist.
Then you’ve already hired a therapist. You just don’t know it. Because all a therapist is is a personally-assigned professional devoted to improving your growth. They will have techniques you don’t understand, methods you will resist, and approaches you will question.
But surrender to it anyway.
Because the only way we grow is when someone drags us beyond our comfort zone.
Yes, they will ask you about your mom, dad, your sex life, your career, your attitudes about money, who knows.
And you will not want to talk about it.
But do it anyway. And stick with it.
Because one fine day, some clarity will start to appear. You’ll have epiphanies you never thought possible. You’ll connect things in your live you never thought were remotely connected. You’ll realize the reason you snapped at the cabbie had nothing to do with the cabbie, but something that happened when you were 10. And you’ll feel lighter than you have in years.
All the aspects of therapy that you thought would be like torture will actually free you in the end.
You just have to hang in there long enough.
And make that first appointment.
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Photos:
Lead: Flickr/Mary Margret
Body: Flickr/Robert S. Donovan
It wasn’t until I received an awful diagnosis that I was prompted to go to a support group led by a therapist…the fear of death and dying will force you to face things head on….it also led my husband to go to a spouse support group (all men) that was enlightening, too, for him and me….it helped our relationship immensely and moved us through some seemingly impossible blockades… You need more people in your life…a physical trainer, a martial arts expert, a plumber, a lawyer, a housekeeper, etc. etc. You don’t know what you need until you start sharing details… Read more »
As my life was spiraling out of control 20 years ago, I was reluctant to see a shrink. When I had nowhere else to turn for help, I went, and it was awesome, eventually. It’s the only time that’s all about you—I always left feeling better. NOTE: If you’re not hitting it off with a psychologist get another one until you find the right one. And if they recommend a psychiatrist, go. Nobody is making you take any pills. But hear them out. I was anti-antidepressants for a year. But between a psychologist, the right psychiatrist, and a special dog,… Read more »