Question: Baby #2 is almost here and my husband and I have been having the “talk” – ie who is going to get snipped since we are done having kids. He thinks I should do it in case they have to do a cesarean and they can do it at the same time… and I think he should do it since it’s a simple outpatient procedure (rather than invasive surgery!) AND I feel like I should have more of a say since I brought both of our children into this world, haven’t I endured enough pain?!
Answer: OMG I had no idea your question would elicit such feistiness in me! Yes yes yes… gentlemen reading and ladies reading… the procedure for men is a simple outpatient procedure… and for her, a larger surgery, hormone changes, a big deal. No question to me, he gets snipped.
It seems like this question is perhaps brining up even MORE than just this issue, that perhaps you don’t feel understood, heard, gotten, honored and appreciated for the process of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, breast feeding, weening etc. Yes?
Are you assuming he should get it or have you really sat down and shared your experience giving him a chance to listen, honor and celebrate your courage and persistence? Do you take time in general to listen to one another, really make sure the other feels appreciated? We don’t have to agree with our partners to still have them feel heard and thus create connection, yes? Perhaps if he really GOT what it’s like to bring children into the world, he’d be more inspired to handle the outpatient procedure, yes?
You’re at the point where you are pissed… not the best time to bring this up with him… I’d calm down, have a good cry or hit pillows, get to the place where your heart is open and you and you can speak to him with appreciation for all he has provided which will help him open his heart too. Then with vulnerability and honesty, tell him how much it’d mean to you if he’d save you from that procedure by handling it himself. Don’t be afraid to let him see you raw, and shift anger into fierce love by literally thinking of speaking through your heart to him, almost like you’re heart is talking not your mouth 😉
I think it might be a great time to put in not only date nights if you haven’t already, but also put in regular talks to ‘get’ each other so that you stay connected, vulnerable, intimate and appreciated. With even more of your attention going to your second child, it’s possible that you may spend even less quality time connecting which will only hurt the marriage and ultimately the family with more bickering as roommates. Kids feel it.
I invite you to turn it all around by nipping this in the bud, pun intended 😉 and apply for a complementary strategy session at www.AllanaPratt.com/connect and invest in the foundational strength of your marriage now so that you can savor kid #2, not have it be the straw that breaks the camels back, saying things you just can’t take back ;(
Remember that ultimately each of your happiness is not only a choice, it’s your own responsibility, so be sure to put into place practices where each of you get the biggest bang for your buck to nourish your Soul, yes? When mama’s happy, and when papa’s happy, everybody’s happy, yes? Huge love, Allana xoxo