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Transcript provided by YouTube, slightly edited with AI.
Podcast with Young Pueblo – Full Transcript
Young Pueblo: …But also, they help each other grow. I think having that community is critical. When you embrace your own growth and your evolution, you’re saying yes to both the light and the dark. You’re taking a deep look within yourself—and you’re not going to like everything you see.
Having someone hold space for you as you let go, heal, grow, and develop new qualities—it’s profoundly helpful. You can’t do it all alone.
Host: I know a huge theme in your book is that it shouldn’t always be easy. There will be bumps in the road and ups and downs in a relationship. It won’t be perfect.
When you were describing your wife Sarah, I was thinking… you called her your confidant, your best friend, the person you’re most attracted to. And I could almost hear people listening and thinking, “Okay, fine, maybe you guys argue sometimes—but that sounds like you have it all.”
There are people out there who feel like they’re in relationships where they’ve found someone kind, compassionate, growth-oriented—but maybe they’re not quite their type. Maybe they’re not as attracted to this person as they were to a past partner. And hearing your story might make them question: “Do I have the right relationship if I don’t feel what he feels?”
Can you speak to that?
Young Pueblo: You’re bringing up a great point. And I think it’s always an “and.” I do have all these things with my partner. I’m profoundly grateful. But there are also difficulties—always.
What I’ve found is that our relationship has become one where we are true partners in problem-solving. So many difficult moments come up—especially in our families. But because of the strength of our togetherness, because of how committed we are to each other, even though our relationship is imperfect, we face those things together.
I feel very strongly for her. I’m deeply connected to her. But it’s not always blissful. Meditation has given us sturdiness—we’re helping each other navigate big family problems year after year. It’s not that everything’s rosy, but I’m grateful for the camaraderie.
Host: We live in a culture that really prizes chemistry, physical attraction, the butterflies. And sometimes people meet someone who feels like a great teammate, but they’re not sure they feel enough of that spark. How flexible should people be in that department when they’ve found someone who is kind, compassionate, and values growth?
Young Pueblo: You can check all the boxes, but the biggest thing that trumps the rest is intuition.
Does this person feel right to me? Not just emotional skills or willingness to grow—those are important—but is there magnetism? Is there something I want to build a home on top of?
You know, my wife and I got together really young—we had these perfect little faces. Now we’re getting older, we’ve got wrinkles, and it fills me with joy. Because one: our relationship is way beyond looks. And two: I’m actually excited to become old people together.
Host: You mentioned intuition. Can you help people understand what that feels like, practically? A lot of people don’t trust their own feelings anymore—they’ve been led astray before. How can someone tune into that kind of intuition?
Young Pueblo: For me, intuition feels like a calm, consistent flow in a particular direction. It’s not the reactive voices in your head—like “I want ice cream tonight”—it’s not that. It’s something that shows up during those big, chapter-changing decisions.
It keeps pointing you in a direction, even when you’re not ready to hear it. When I felt the pull to move to New York City, there was fear, doubt—but the calm inner flow was persistent. I felt it through my stomach.
Intuition asks you to step outside your comfort zone—but not in a way that hurts you. It challenges you to grow.
Before I proposed to Sarah, I went through a big inner battle. “Is this the right person to double down on?” It took about a year of wrestling with those thoughts. But through all that, the inner signal kept pointing in her direction.
Sometimes, the mind is just too loud. That clarity gets drowned out. And I had to quiet my mind—through meditation—to hear it.
Host: What’s your message to people—men or women—who find themselves distracted by attraction to others, and worry that if they’re already feeling that now, what happens 20 years into a marriage? That fear can keep people from committing.
Young Pueblo: Two big things: One, be really careful about unconsciously chasing excitement. That exciting rush is what happens in the beginning of relationships, and it fades.
Two, be careful with looking for marginal improvements. You don’t leave a partner for something that’s 2% better. Often, what’s needed isn’t a new person—it’s more honesty, deeper commitment, better communication, giving each other more freedom. That’s how relationships transform.
But also—some powerful relationships only last five years. I recently got a comment on a Substack post from a woman who shared that she and her husband finally divorced after dragging it out. And now they’re great friends. They’re happy they had a family, happy for the time they spent. So it’s different for everyone.
Host: What about people in that place—where they really love each other, they’ve built a life together, maybe they even have a great friendship—but they’re wondering if it’s time to part? How do you know when it’s time to redouble your effort or have a hard conversation?
Young Pueblo: You need to talk. Because it takes two people to make a relationship work. If one person has a foot out the door, the other might feel the same and not have said anything.
Life gets busy—kids, jobs, family issues—and you become problem solvers. But you still need those honest check-ins. “Are we good? Are you still having fun? Is this still fruitful for both of us?”
Host: And if you’re asking for something your partner can’t give you—something that’s core to who they are—is it still fair to have the conversation?
Young Pueblo: It depends how important it is to you. If it’s something ephemeral, maybe not. But if it’s something that’s making you hide a part of yourself—then yes, you have to speak up.
Hiding who you are in a relationship? That’s not going in the right direction.
Host: This has been such a great conversation. I feel like we should stop here and do this again sometime—because we could go on for hours.
Young Pueblo: Thank you. I really appreciate the hard questions. It’s easy to talk about love when both people want to grow, but real life is messy. Sometimes one person’s not ready. Sometimes you’re still looking.
Relationships look so different from one person to the next—and even if you’re just walking in relationship with yourself, it all starts with self-awareness.
The people closest to us—roommates, family, partners—they’ll see our best and our worst. So knowing ourselves more deeply is always going to be helpful.
Host: Thank you again. You’ve brought so much clarity to such a messy, human experience.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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