Since we were children, the Disney movies taught us that we will meet the perfect prince*ss, get married and live happily ever after. It’s beautiful to believe in this one big love but often the reality of relationships turns out to be different. As time goes by, we get a different perspective and if two humans in a relationship aren’t growing proportionally (or at least don’t have a priority to grow in this relationship) – eventually it will probably fall apart.
That’s the truth we don’t want to see when we are in love for the very first time. But it has also a beautiful side as every “failed“ romance teaches us more about love and ourselves and if we are open to learn and apply the lessons. We have all the knowledge to create a romantic fairy tale we’re so much desiring.
Actually, it’s quite a common story that we believe that we meet THE ONE, fall in love and end up together married and live happily ever after. But often, unfortunately (or fortunately) things fall apart and we try to save the relationship by believing in this one Happy End. But what we end up with is a broken heart and lots of delusions and pain from our own unrealistic idealistic expectations.
We learn that love hurts and close our hearts until …
… until we are able to realize that love and the fairy tale, we so desperately believed in, is not:
Pain and heartache
Fighting for romance
Trying to prove ourselves
Trying to save each other
Begging for attention
But here’s some good news: a true fairy tale relationship can grow from deep respect for ourselves, setting healthy boundaries, communicating clearly about what we want from the start even if it seems scary. When I was broken-hearted and complained in tears, my therapist asked me why I wouldn’t communicate the same feelings openly to my ex-partner and the answer is: I was scared to hear his answer. Communicating openly what we feel means that the outcome could be the end of the relationship. That’s what scares us the most: rejection.
But before we enter a sacred union we need to get to know ourselves profoundly, find the path to our happiness being by in peace with ourselves and grow the inner love big as the universe. From this cup of love, we can pour into another cup and share the love with somebody else.
A classic fairy tale romance is based on a lie that things are perfect. But none of us is perfect and it’s the beauty of life: to fall in love with the imperfection. Understanding that neither me nor the other person is impeccable. It’s a process that takes time and patience.
Don’t get me wrong, there is for sure a chance for this one incredible soulmate but it’s much healthier to believe that there are so many people who are a great fit – if we only can open our eyes and hearts to the love which could grow.
But how can a romantic fairy tale love between two humans grow?
Life is unpredictable and so is our personal development. We change constantly and so do our partners. It’s a mastery to adapt and go with each other and choose each other no matter what. I’m a big believer in sacred union and a healthy romantic relationship. But it’s constant (un-)pleasant work. In front of all of ourselves.
Can it work? Of course!
A fairy tale relationship is based on deep friendship and a common vision for making this relationship work. Love is a choice they say and this is true. Choosing somebody who has the same vision and the same desire to make this great love happen. Somebody who is emotionally available, who won’t play games and cause constant uncertainty. Someone who is present for our scars and happiness and is willing to put in the work (it all applies to both partners).
Although modern spirituality claims that we don’t need anybody to be happy and it’s certainly true, speaking from my experience, being together with a partner, experiencing the little things together is an incomparable wealth. It’s true bliss to do life together. Doing little cute things for each other, supporting each other in the flow of life, helping each other grow, mastering the moods and the common hard times, going hand in hand choosing each other every moment, being committed to the union with our partner.
We are “just“ humans. It’s divine how much we can learn from each other and there’s no mirror clearer than an intimate romantic relationship. We’re literally getting naked – physically and emotionally and therefore we’re making ourselves vulnerable.
It’s essential to get along well being single. It should be a law to get to know ourselves first and take the needed time to sort things out.
What helps? Going out of comfort zone, traveling, doing crazy shit, moving to a different country, changing work, shifting our beliefs, doing therapy, being open to love and also to the possibility of failure in a romantic relationship. Not every relationship will last but not leaping into one is also a big mistake. The so-called failures make us stronger and they are in a way a great therapy to understand what we DO want from a fairy tale relationship.
It can be convenient to be alone because nothing really changes and we can go on without showing our true essence, sharing ourselves, our rituals, our every day, our desires, needs, our flaws, our greatness.
A fairy tale romance is two humans, who know and respect themselves, who want to share life together and who are choosing themselves and each other EVERY MOMENT despite difficulties which life constantly gives. It’s the great love of two human beings who are in love with life and are choosing to love each other.
This fairy tale is more tangible than we often believe, we just need to learn to choose wisely and not chase the people who are not choosing us.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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