This month ushers in Pride in small towns and big cities all across the country. A time to enjoy the company of the LGBTQ+ community and their allies. Flags are hoisted, parades, picnics, drag queen brunches, movies and block parties abound. Pride is not political, although there are a bunch of vocal people who politicize it. The first Pride event was a protest at the Stonewall Inn in NYC which turned into a police assault on protestors. The reason for what became a riot was that the community decided that enough was more than enough. Enough with harassment. Enough with arrests simply for being Gay, gender non-conforming or wearing clothing typically relegated to the other gender. On July 28, 1969, the patrons of the bar that was filled with revelers, fought back. The riots which lasted for six days was a springboard for peaceful protests. When I was in my 20s, I attended a Gay Pride parade in NYC with friends. I wore a baseball cap with the words, ‘An army of lovers can not lose’.
At the time, I was on a journey of exploration about my sexuality. In all transparency, I am a cis-gender female (pronouns she/her) who identifies as hetero-flexible. The way that has played out in my life, is that the majority of my relationship and sexual partners have been male identifying and a few have been female identifying. I married a man and we remained together for 12 years and then he died of Hepatitis C in 1998. Since then, I have had multiple first dates, short term relationships and friends with benefits. I had a date on Valentine’s Day many years ago with a person who identified as non-binary. A lovely person who made a mix tape for me (that’s how long ago it was) and brought flowers to dinner. I was moved. I’m not sure why there wasn’t a second date. I wish them well and hope they found a good match and love.
For me, it’s about the person, not the plumbing. I am a solid ally for the LGBTQ+ community, and I show my allyship by writing about the subject, by countering misogynistic, homophobic and transphobic rhetoric whenever I hear it or read it. I don’t name call. I ask why anyone would have a problem with displays of love and solidarity. I ask why they are so concerned about what body parts other people have and what they do with them and with whom. I ask them to imagine what it would be like if their heteronormative world was turned on its head and being Gay was the norm and the way they live and love would be considered an aberration. There is a powerful video about what that would be like for a teen and the tragic outcome that ensued. When I post the video on social media in response to the spewing of hatred, it is met with crickets.
Some startling statistics on suicide for LGBTQ+ kiddos:
- Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 14, and the third leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2022). Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ+) young people are at significantly increased risk.
- LGBTQ+ young people are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers (Johns et al., 2019; Johns et al., 2020)
I recall a young client who was female assigned at birth and then when tween-age rolled around, he recognized that wasn’t his true identity. When he told his fundamentalist Christian mom, she outright denied it. We had a few sessions and when I used the name and gender pronouns the client asked to be called, mom balked. With the client’s consent, I referred to him as ‘my client’ or ‘your child’. She persisted in expressing her beliefs. In frustration, I asked her if she would rather have a live son or a dead daughter, since he had expressed Suicidal Ideation. She blinked and didn’t answer. Needless to say, the mom eventually pulled the client from treatment. At this point, he is an adult and I hope he has embraced his identity and life in health and safety.
In my community, there is an organization called The Rainbow Room, headed up by the iconic and deeply dedicated Marlene Pray. It advocates, educates and provides activities. It has been a stalwart support for our growing number of teens and young adults in our area. I have witnessed first hand in my therapy practice that includes teens how they have benefited by being involved. For the waiting room of the counseling center in which I am employed I brought a rainbow Pride flag to hang on the wall. People know what we stand for when they walk in. There is also literature for the Rainbow Room.
People ask why there is no ‘Straight Pride’. My response is that there is no need, since it is every day. From the time we are born, we are indoctrinated into heteronormativity. Pink is for girls. Blue is for boys. Toys are segregated by gender as are some activities and roles. Children see mostly heterosexual role models on tv and in movies. If they are raised in a home in which the parents are male and female, they come to think that’s just the way it is. Books about LGBTQ+ topics are banned in schools and libraries. What I always find amusing is that when groups like Moms For Liberty do their darndest to deny these books, they sometimes rocket to best seller status. Tell someone they can’t have access, and they will find a way. Homophobes and transphobes talk about indoctrination. If the aforementioned dynamics don’t fall into that category, I don’t know what does.
Another way that I celebrate Pride is to offer FREE MOM HUGS at events in the area. I heard about Sara Cunningham’s journey from being a staunch Christian who faced a life changing dilemma when her son came out to her as a Gay man to being an outspoken advocate who put her arms where her values were by founding the organization. I love being part of it. I come away from the experiences being all loved up, which means I can carry the energy to others.
It takes a whole bunch of courage to be your authentic self but ultimately it is rewarding.
If you won’t be an ally, at least, don’t be a bully.
Happy Pride, y’all!
—
iStock image
