After the most recent in a series of relationships ended, I had to accept that I had been unintentionally disappointing and letting down a string of very nice women who’d been kind enough to share their time with me, and who had quite reasonably expected a greater level of self-awareness and maturity from me as a partner than I seemed to have been able to offer.
I knew that I needed, and wanted, to change, and started reading all I could about how to create a healthy relationship, what kind of man I needed to be for a woman to feel good with me, and about the ways in which my own hidden wounds might have been causing me to sabotage the very things that I claimed to want from a love-interest – emotional closeness, along with mutual respect and kindness.
After a lot of hard work, soul-searching and reflection (not to mention a few hours of counselling!) I felt that I’d achieved a sufficient level of self-awareness to be ready for another relationship without worrying that I’d repeat the mistakes of the past. And I realised that knowing how to build a healthy relationship is not something that comes naturally to many of us – but is an essential life-skill which doesn’t seem to be covered very well, if at all, in the school curriculum.
This process of self-reflection gave me an idea. In the same way we don’t allow people behind the wheel of a car unless we’re sure they’ve got enough knowledge and ability so as not to be a danger to themselves or others when they’re on the road, it would be good if there was some kind of ‘love test’ that people could take to reassure potential partners – and themselves – that they had enough basic knowledge about what to do, and what not to do, in a relationship to avoid causing emotional accidents on the road to love.
People could take love lessons to prepare for the test, which would include giving information on what men and women really like, and don’t like, in bed (which is still surprisingly unknown to many people) along with the kinds of behaviours that both genders find attractive. After passing the test, we could be issued with some kind of Love Licence to show prospective partners that we’re ready to dive into that complicated and nuanced process known as falling in love, hopefully without causing any harm in the process.
A love-licensing system would give reassurance that, as really being ready and able to go places intimately speaking, we know how to avoid of hurting someone; and that other people who’ve passed the test are going to be following the same rules and so are less likely smash into us or knock us over. Accidents will still happen because human beings have a habit of screwing up even when we know better. But ideally the Love Licence, would reduce the chances of that happening and make sure that everyone a basic level of self-knowledge and an understanding of what things improve their chances of relationship success.
Of course all couplings, like all cars and drivers, are different – and the mystery of attraction is not something which can be taught or that we have much control over. But personally I’d be reassured to know that a person I was interested in getting involved with had got a grasp of the basics of how to safely drive their emotional sports car.
Taking the love-test would be voluntary and there would probably be love-license forgeries and fakes by fraudsters trying to get around the need to learn the basic skills of emotional navigation. But once we all realised that good emotional skills help us all to be happier, as well as being much more fun and safer to be with, I think everybody would want a real one!
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