He Was the Young Boy I Had a Crush on and Now He’s Missing

It happened after the breakup.

Another contract, and there he was among the Filipino crew. The Filipino gang as we got to be known on the ship. We’d hang out after our shifts, sharing food, wine, and stories.

We called him “Bunso,” the youngest, though at 23 and on his second contract as a waiter’s assistant, he wasn’t that young. We all felt protective of him; he had an innocence about him.

He had quite a story, and so did I — one ending in heartbreak. I liked him, a lot. But Bunso had plans, and he knew how to play the game.

Some nights, after work, we would lie together, hold hands, and kiss. But it never went further.

Later, I found out why. The Portuguese head waiter had his eye on Bunso. For Bunso, he was the ticket to a promotion and the higher wages that came with it.

Ship life. His story wasn’t new. You do what you have to do to get ahead. I couldn’t offer him any of that, could barely take care of myself. Besides, I believe in love, the kind that isn’t transactional.

Then one day, he agreed to go out with me. We were in the South Pacific, a paradise island. I thought it was a sign, that maybe we could be more than friends. Turns out, he was saying goodbye.

Word gets around fast on a ship.

I wasn’t surprised that the Portuguese waiter knew about us. We weren’t friends, but our paths crossed in the dining room where I worked as the cruise photographer. He told Bunso to stay away from me, from all the Filipinos.

And Bunso said yes.

He wasn’t going to risk his shot at a better life. So that outing was our final farewell, one last stolen moment together. After that, he disappeared from the Filipino crew’s nightly gatherings. My heart hurt.

Time heals. Or at least it numbs the pain. Perhaps I was still pining for my ex, and besides, more drama was the last thing I needed. I never saw Bunso again.

When I left the ships, I lost track of him, until a Facebook message arrived…

Bunso

Maria, a mutual friend, hadn’t been in touch for ages. Now, she was asking for help finding Bunso, who must be in his late 30s now. She told me that yes, Bunso ended up with the Portuguese waiter, left the ships, and lived in Portugal for a while. Their relationship didn’t last.

And there’s a child, an adopted child.

Whether he’s with Bunso or his ex, I don’t know. All I know is that somewhere a child is caught in the aftermath of a messy adult relationship.

I haven’t thought about Bunso in ages, but now the questions swirl. Where is he? Does he need help? Is he happy, did he find what he was looking for? Part of me wants to know, another part whispers to let it go.

Life is a road where paths crisscross, but not everyone stays for the whole journey. Some roads diverge, and that’s okay.

Wherever Bunso is today, it’s where he needs to be.

Thank you for reading.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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