“A heart health check could be the most important twenty minutes of your life.”
- Unknown
Did you know that men over 50 should have a heart health check every year?
I got a heart-stopping text from my 63-year-old brother, Doug, the other day. He had gone for a routine heart test—and had been immediately sent to hospital and promptly admitted to the cardiac unit to undergo further tests. He was a ticking time bomb.
Unfortunately, he then caught influenza…so was put in isolation and the tests were temporarily put on hold.
“At least I’m in the best place,” he said to me over the phone as he waited out the flu, “in case, you know…”
Yeah, I know…in case he does have a heart attack, just like our grandfather did—when he was the same age as Doug is now. My grandfather was shoveling snow at the time; he didn’t make it.
Thankfully, Doug didn’t have a heart attack. And when the flu cleared and the heart tests came back, the cardiologist told him he would need an aortic valve replacement. So that’s where we are now…waiting for him to have that valve replacement.
I am heading back to our hometown to see him. Doug means the world to me and even though we’re pretty sure he’s going to be fine, I still want to see him in person. I recognize a gentle nudge from the Universe when I get one. My heart tells me that Calgary is where I need to be…so that’s where I’m headed.
Although this blog is a reminder to all men over 50 about the importance of having their heart health checked on a regular basis, it’s also about the importance of checking in with our emotional heart health. Because that, too, matters very much.
For it was my brother Doug—in addition to many other amazing men in my life—who showed me and taught me, many years ago, how a person with a healthy emotional heart responds in the wake of tragedy…and just how impactful that response can be for those of us whose heart has been so shattered beyond belief, we don’t know which piece to pick up first.
Back in 2000, when I was widowed suddenly at the age of thirty-two, it was Doug who somehow found himself as my primary caregiver. My husband died on a Friday. Doug and his wife, Tracey, moved into my house that night. Over the hellish next few days, Doug fed me, watered me, drove me where I needed to go, kept me on schedule, made the meals, fielded the dozens of phone calls coming in, and handled all the people dropping by with meals, baking, flowers, gifts and cards.
Overnight, not only had my life turned upside down…so too, had my home.
After a few days, Tracey had to return to work in the town where they lived, but Doug stayed with me. And if it weren’t for him handling all the logistics of keeping my chaotic new life running as smoothly as possible, I don’t know what I would have done. But because he handled all the practical matters, that meant I could focus my precious energy on the emotional, mental and spiritual fall-out associated with the sudden death of one’s soul-mate.
And on that note, while juggling the not-whatsoever-fun circus of my new life, Doug also listened to me as I tried to wrap my mind around what the heck had happened to my husband—and why—and where his soul was now…if there is such a thing.
I think there is.
I remember Doug listening to me, wide-eyed but non-judgemental, when I told him how I’d seen a big reddish-orange light in my bedroom window—at the exact same time my husband’s heart had been surgically removed for organ donation.
When I look back now, a quarter of a century later, at that heartbreakingly difficult time in my life, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have made it through those first few months without Doug—at least, not in the same way. Yes, I would have still survived the grieving process without him by my side. But I don’t think I would have thrived to the extent that I have.
If I’d had to deal with all the practicalities and logistics that go hand in hand with suddenly losing my spouse, I wouldn’t have been able to focus on the emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects…which in hindsight, I very much needed to—for the road ahead as a writer. Likewise, if I didn’t have the right person in my home to bounce my seemingly crazy observations and ideas off, my journey through grief would have been very different. So, too, would my writing.
In other words, Doug was the perfect person to be my primary caregiver in those first few months. But of course he was…the Universe knows exactly what it’s doing. It’s up to us to learn the lessons.
There are times in our life when we give love and there are times when we are on the receiving end. And one of the most important things I’ve learned in life so far is that receiving love and kindness is just as important as giving it. Why? Because when we are on the receiving end of vast amounts of loving kindness, that’s how we learn how to give that kind of love to others down the road.
I am extremely grateful that my big-hearted bro’s aortic valve issue was caught in time. I hope and pray the valve replacement surgery goes well. But I strongly suspect it will. He has an awful lot more love to give in the next chapter of his life. Tracey, his kids and grandkids are waiting at home for him.
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