Alexander Yarde is frustrated with the media encouraging rape culture with dangerous rape scenes that encourage the “but she really wanted it” way of thinking.
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During this week’s episode of Game of Thrones, “Breaker of Chains”, I made a flippant tweet about Jaime Lannister forcing himself on his sister Cersei at Joffrey’s repose being just another Sunday night in Westeros. In hindsight, I regret that statement.
This isn’t the first rape scene in Game of Thrones―frankly Westeros is a hard place for women of all strata, especially at weddings. But what left me gobsmacked was that, according to Laura Hudson’s article That Game Of Thrones Scene Wasn’t a Turn-On, It Was Rape, the director didn’t even realize he was filming a rape scene.:
“Well, it becomes consensual by the end, because anything for them ultimately results in a turn-on, especially a power struggle. Nobody really wanted to talk about what was going on between the two characters, so we had a rehearsal that was a blocking rehearsal. …Nikolaj (Coster-Waldau, who plays Jaime) came in and we just went through one physical progression and digression of what they went through, but also how to do it with only one hand, because it was Nikolaj. By the time you do that and you walk through it, the actors feel comfortable going home to think about it. The only other thing I did was that ordinarily, you rehearse the night before, and I wanted to rehearse that scene four days before, so that we could think about everything. And it worked out really well. That’s one of my favorite scenes I’ve ever done.”
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I’m no prude, I’ve enjoyed GoT from the beginning, and you know what you’re getting into when you watch it. Hell, there was an attempted infanticide during incestous sex in the first episode. I’ve seen women fed to dogs, people tortured with rats tied to their bellies, whole villages slaughtered to the last man, woman and child. A pregnant women was ripped open at a wedding banquet. But the fact that the director said, “that’s one of my favorite scenes I’ve ever done” makes this very different.
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Rape is a very touchy subject and something that is unfortunately far too commonplace in reality to be handled so poorly. That statement to me summarizes why we live in a “rape culture“. Rape culture as defined is a concept which links rape and sexual violence to the culture of a society, and in which prevalent attitudes and practices normalize, excuse, tolerate, and even condone rape.
Now, am I saying you can’t portray a rape on screen? No. I’m not for censorship of any kind. Should you know that you’re portraying a rape while you are filming one? Absolutely. This GoT director strikes me as a child playing with a loaded gun or matches. It’s far too dangerous a topic in our confused society and impacts way too many people in real life for filmmakers to use rape carelessly and without forethought, because this “Her mouth says no but her eyes say yes” PePe Le Pew sentiment is used by rapists all the time and, scenes like this in the media muddy the water even further.
We have all read (or should be aware) of the shocking statistics. An estimated one in six women will experience rape or attempted rape in their lifetime. It’s a crime that is rarely reported and has a 3% conviction rate. It’s the only violent crime whose victims, not perpetrators, are routinely the ones on trial. Whether or not the filmmakers intended this to be a rape scene is irrelevant; they made one. As a Father of a boy and girl for me it encourages the worst kind of thinking about rape. Ms. Hudson hits the nail on the head in her thoughtful piece:
“When a woman is held down on the ground, screaming for the man to stop, that deep down inside her she might still really want it. That if a man simply persists, it might “turn” a rape into something consensual, or at least into something less than “legitimate rape” or “rape-rape,” the words we have invented to make certain sexual assaults sound not so bad. (Also, it’s worth pointing out that while this scene happened in the book, Cersei was a willing participant.)”
This reinforces a dangerous idea that dominates societal views about sexual assaults, that consent is not something that women give but something that must taken from them by force or coercion. That if she didn’t try harder or fight back enough she was secretly really into it. She shouldn’t have had so much to drink. Why was she wearing that dress? She was just asking for trouble. It is a dysfunctional, dangerous way of looking at sex and consent, one that is based on the idea of forcing women to give it—the literal opposite of consent.
If someone breaks into your home no one asks, “Why didn’t you fight harder?” Or, “Why did you have such a nice house?” Because that doesn’t absolve the robber from robbery. But those are arguments used by rapists, the incredibly unsympathetic toward survivors and worse, survivors against themselves. Rape is one of the only violent crimes where victims blame themselves more than the perpetrators because of these archaic, misogynistic views.
As the father of both a son and daughter, I don’t appricate continued societal ambiguity about what rape is. I need others to be educated, and educate their children. I need media outlets to be responsible and thoughtful with the subject matter as well as most importantly, educate my own kids about sex and consent. I don’t need to be “Malesplianed” about my “interpretation” of this rape scene. Rape victims face this exact sort of “reinterpretation” when they come forward.
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My parents told me very early on, in no uncertain terms and repeatedly that “No means no. Stop means you stop.” It was very cut and dry, and totally unambiguous. Looking back, I appreciate their candor. They answered all my questions and encouraged conversation. One reason I believe that what constitutes a rape is still so difficult for people to understand are hamfisted fictional portrayals like in “Breaker Of Chains” that appear to support the idea that if he wasn’t holding a knife at your throat, or if you decided to have sex and then changed your mind, or that past consensual sexual partners “can’t” rape you.
Rape is often handled poorly or in a sensationalistic manner in all media. That’s why the abysmally poor sex education record we have in this country is so frustrating. We wrongheadedly focus on instructing women and girls “Don’t get raped” and not on instructing boys and young men on “Not to rape”. Is this concept really so hard? (I wrote about men’s ability to control themselves once before, read that here).
The sad truth is, in real life, we put Westeros to shame.
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For more on consent education, read The Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent, Ages 1-21
1). I don’t condone rape or sexual assaults. 2). But we gotta keep in mind that we’re talking about a violent medieval fantasy world here, where rules are even more blurred than how they were treated in the western. So am I surprised that ‘Game Of Thrones’ keeps unleashing these types of scenes? Not for a bit. 3). Lena Headey’s character, Cersei, throughout the entire show, has been nothing but a bitch who forces herself and her decisions on others, she’s the “off with their heads'” type of gal and all of a sudden she can’t fend herself or fight… Read more »
Yes, all that could be true. But in my opinion, the sick man is more simple than that. In his mind, he imagines that everyone ‘gets’ his sick ways about love and sex. He thinks that other men, and women would actually jerk off on a scene like that because he does. That is also the only way he gets off. So the sick man, aka, the author, believes it’s absolutely natural to depict a scene based on the old-macho-man shit “but in fact, she really wanted to say yes”. Messed up!
I’m going to go on a bit of a tangent here, and go off topic a bit, but this all ties together for me. First, I want to explain what my issue is and where it’s come from. I’ve been having some very complicated thoughts and questions, and they’re just swimming around in my head, and unless I work them out, I’ll never be able to decide whether or not those things are right or wrong. I need feedback or I’ll just keep going back and forth in my own mind. I have a skewed view of women’s place in… Read more »
I’m austrian and haven’t seen this movie- haven’t read the book. Where can I order either one of them ?
The books are excellent- written by George RR Martin and are part of a series called A Song of Fire and Ice. You could order them off amazon.
Minor point, it’s true that the scene is different in the books (I’m a big fan) but Hudson is wrong to say, “Also, it’s worth pointing out that while this scene happened in the book, Cersei was a willing participant.” In fact if you read the chapter summery at the fan site Tower of the Hand they describe it as a rape, while at the Wiki of Ice and Fire fan site they don’t. Clearly the fan community is divided on this scene to some degree. As I see it, the reason for the discrepancy is that the scene is… Read more »
When my fiance and I watched the episode we understood it as rape immediately since Cersei was not consenting. We don’t see GoT as any kind of moral paragon and most of the characters are pretty horrible though I get the sense that there isn’t a message promoting that kind of behavior since there are also characters who do have stronger moral values. I didn’t realize that that scene could be interpreted as not rape, that’s kind of scary.
I could not agree more with every single word Alex Yarde wrote. As the mother of two boys I have talked to them often about what consensual means, consensual on both sides. I think we need to stop socializing our boys to think that they are merely slaves to their sex drives/penises. So much bad behavior is written off because “boys will be boys”, and it’s harmful, to our boys and our girls. As a girl growing up I was taught to walk to my car with my keys between my fingers, to not dress a certain way, to be… Read more »
As a close to 40 year old man who grew up in a very conservative place to very conservative parents and who knows a hell of a lot of other men and how they were raised- I can assure you that no one I know/knew or surrounded by was “socialized… to think that they are merely slaves to their sex drives/penises.” Perhaps you guys should all move to the most conservative places you can find? As far as “”boys will be boys”, and it’s harmful, to our boys and our girls. “” You’ve been reading too much Soraya Chemaly. There… Read more »
Really good episode.
Also, Cercei is a heinous bitch. Lets not act like this wasnt a long time coming.
I think that Rape can be a very difficult subject. There are a lot of excuses that are used to justify it which frankly are disgusting. What a women wears, what she drinks, what she eats, what drugs she uses, what people she hangs out with. None of these are “asking for it” And its despicable when it’s used that way. I’ve also been a part of romantic situations in the past where a girl who was not intoxicated, who was romantically interested, who told me she didn’t want to do anything in a romantic private setting, and then told… Read more »
Good article even if this is a fictional character and of course the show is very violent. There has been talk of rape before and different examples of it and has been displayed as a crime in the past so it’s surprising to see this pass. Media does downplay it in many shows, not all the time. Honestly when I first saw it I wasn’t thinking about if it was consensual or not, I found it more disturbing that it was at a funeral. I do think that the media should show the real side of it and talk of… Read more »
I sympathize, and I agree with you about how media often downplays the seriousness of rape. (You know there’s a “however” coming) However, what precisely started this article is not even a scene, but the way that a director talked about a scene. He was talking about an interpretation of a scene with fictional characters who were also being interpreted by the actors themselves. Are you saying he used the wrong words to describe a scene involving fictional characters played by real-life actors who both consented to play the scene? I’m not so sure anything that any character does in… Read more »
The fact is this: If someone says “no” (outside of a situation wherein the partners already discussed that “no” is part of the sex play and have have established a different word that means “stop right now”), and you continue on, it’s rape. This is a fact. It’s not open to interpretation. So the fact that the director saw a person say “no”, but didn’t see it as rape is the problem. There IS a legal definition of rape, and that’s what we’re talking about here. The actress is not a rape victim, so her interpretation of whether Cersei was… Read more »
But to then piggyback off you, in the book this was note rape. It was consensual.
But we’re not talking about the book at all.
The author admitted that the scene is different than in the book, by necessity of the fact that Cersei and Jaime hadn’t seen each other in a long time in the book, and in the show it was a totally different scenario.
I don’t think anybody holds this against the author of the books.
I would re-read it then.
She says “No” and he continues.
I could’ve sworn I had a point to make when I wrote that message, but on second thought I actually don’t. Shocking as this is to believe, I was argumentative without having a leg to stand on. (I know! Can you believe it?)
It’s a rape scene.
I think when people watch anything for the purpose of entertainment, that it very easily “glorifies” what is being watched. This isn’t a documentary. It’s a fantasy made to titilate on many different levels. To sexual titilation, to violence and sometimes both at the same time. Now that doesn’t mean that person wants to mimic whatever they are watching, they might even feel feelings of horror and disgust, but they also may be watching it so they CAN feel feelings of disgust and horror for the pure titilation of it. For the entertainment of it. I think we need to… Read more »