Helping a Friend in a Toxic Relationship

Save the Judgement and have a polite, objective conversation

Being in a toxic relationship is suffering, and you do not want to add more to it by judging the other person’s choices. We make mistakes, and that’s how we learn. So, when your friend is dealing with a toxic relationship, criticism is not what you offer but instead support, understanding, and love.

You must approach the conversation with an acceptance mindset and know that it is okay for them to have made such a situation. They are learning and growing. You could have been in their place if you lacked perspective. This mindset helps you not give out a vibe of judgment.

Sit with them, tell them you care about them, and see some alarming signs in the relationship. Then, tell them more specifically about what makes you feel this is not the right relationship for them. Be precise and objective.

And lastly, be aware of the truth as well: You cannot force your friend to come out of it even when you know that what they are doing might be a mistake. So, over-convincing would not work. Remember: You can only help a horse to reach the river, it has to drink the water on its own.

Give them respect and acceptance for who they are

Tell them that you love them and do not try to change them. To help them learn and grow, use your own experience. Tell them how you gained the perspective that you have. Did you

experience toxicity in a relationship before?
see someone else dealing with it closely?
learn about it from books and experiences of others?

Give them an insight into why you think what you think. When you use your example to share something, it takes away the fear of judgment. This helps the other person to put their guard down, not get defensive, and readily accept that they might have made a mistake by choosing this person.

Encourage them to talk and seek professional help

Isolation is dangerous. Talking would help your friend know that they are not alone and that you have got their back. Also, communicating about their experience will help them stay more in touch with their thoughts and feelings.

However, no matter how much we love someone, we can only help them up to a point because:

negativity is contagious,
since you are not a professional, you are not aware of the right things to say,
you might not be aware of the tools and strategies they need in their situation.

Their situation might be more alarming than you think, and only a professional can correctly diagnose it. I am attaching a few free resources that might help:

LINK: The Best Affordable or Free Online Therapy Services of 2022

Additionally, I have a personal therapist that I highly recommend. If you want her details, just drop me a hello at [email protected]

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I am available for freelance content gigs; drop me a hello at [email protected].

Thanks for reading.

Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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