Are you stimulating her mind or her libido?
Women can be very complicated but when it comes to sex, here’s the real simple way to get more of it. We have two opposing body parts going on when it comes to sex. Our brains and our libido. They don’t work at the same time, but the trick is to engage our libido without the analytical brain. Women have done this for years with men, here’s a few tricks for women:
Making love means making it. Remember the first time together? You didn’t have to ask, our bodies did the talking. Don’t just ask, “You want to have sex?” Now I have an option. You’ve put me back into thinking mode again. That’s the wrong organ. At all costs keep my brain out of the equation. You know how to convince me—just do it. Yes, consent is of the utmost importance. There are other ways of asking than just blurting out “So, sex now?”
Date me. I don’t care if we live together or have been married for 40 years. You make the plans. Every woman married or not, likes to be courted. When you say, “What do you want to do Saturday night?” You’ve engaged my brain again. What I want is to not plan it.
Instead say, “I’ve planned something for us Saturday night, wear that red dress that looks so good on you. I’ll pick you up at eight.” Now, the right body part is involved. All our thoughts will be about looking hot for you and anticipating Saturday night. What you said translated to a woman is that you care enough to plan ahead, get a sitter if need be, and that you like what I look like in that red dress. Telling me this on Monday or mid-week scores big points because it tells me I’m not just a booty-call even though you’re guaranteed to score because I’ll be thinking about it for days.
Use the DVR. When I need to talk, hit record and turn the TV off. Don’t just mute it and look at it periodically. Turn it off. Women won’t change. We are born with five times the vocabulary and ten times the need to share it. Here’s some tips on what to say that will make us believe you are really listening.
- Call on the emotion: “How did that make you feel?” You don’t have to feel the same way, and you might think our feelings are silly, but they are our feelings; discounting them doesn’t make them go away. We’ll just tell a girlfriend, and then tell them how unsympathetic you were.
- Repeat back. “So let me see if I think I understand your concerns…then in a Reader’s Digest condensed version sum up what you think we said.” If you get it wrong, we’ll correct you. If you get it right, you score big time. And sometimes when we hear it back at us, we realize how over-dramatic we’re being. Either way, problem solved.
- Remember past conversations. Ask us, “Hey, that situation we talked about last time, how did that go?” Score big points for remembering!
- Ask us, “Do you just need to blow steam or do I need to beat the crap out of someone for making you feel this way?” We’ll love you for siding with us.
- Bring on the charm. Once we’ve spilled our guts without you interrupting or eye-rolling, smile that sexy smile we love and say, “Let me help you forget your bad day.” Then pull you’re A-game out.
Candle light and music. Light them, push the button on the music for breakfast, dinner, shower time, or in the bedroom. It works. Candle-light and an egg McMuffin are still romantic, a frozen pizza by candle-light move us from brain to libido. Once more, it means you thought ahead, and we matter enough for you to think of these things.
Sexy texts. Cool your jets. I don’t mean send me naked pictures of you, the truth is it’s not all that to look at. We tell you it is to build your ego. What I want is for you to mind bend me. Foreplay comes in a variety of forms. Take me to the sexy place in my head before you ever touch my body. Text me when I least expect it. “Hey beautiful, I was just taking a break sitting in my truck and remembering that time we… (fill in the blank with a hot night remembrance.) And if you don’t have a hot night remembrance, you need at least one.
Fatigue is a real factor. Having you see things that need to be done, and then just doing them without announcing it, is probably the fastest way to get my hormones amped. Doing the dishes or sweeping naked, it’s not the naked part that’s going to catch my attention, but for the sake of argument, there’s nothing sexier than a man doing housework, clothes or not. I promise it will put you at the top of my ‘to do’ list.
Now you know the secrets to understanding women’s simple complexities! Although we’ll take them, we don’t need extravagant gifts, expensive trips, Brad Pitt bodies, and Don Juan romance. When we say ‘be more romantic’ what we really mean is engage me. Try just one of these new ideas, they work to get you more of what you want!
Photo Credit: Sabrina Campagna/flickr