“You must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait, the less likely you are to find it at all.” – Robin Williams (Dead Poets Society)
One of these days I’m going to bring myself to watch Dead Poets Society again. I haven’t watched a single frame of it since Robin passed away. I might need to buy a pallet of Kleenex, y’know?
Not sure if I’m ready to carpe that diem…gnomesayin’?
This week, I want to start with a story about an old mentor of mine from my days in the radio business.
Even 20 years later, I still struggle with seeing myself as enough.
|
Big Dave was a former college football offensive lineman as a younger man. He was a large and intimidating physical presence in my life, but he was a total gentle giant. I want to say he stood 6-4 (and I’m a mere 5-8). And I believe it was in 2009 (well after my days of working with him) when he had gastric bypass surgery and managed to lose something like 175 pounds.
Tragically, Dave passed away in the fall of 2011 from an automobile accident. Even though we fell out of touch in the years after I worked for him, his passing affected me deeply. Dave meant a lot to me as a younger man. And I still grieve his untimely passing.
Big Mac gave me one of the best notes anyone ever provided on a commercial I recorded once upon a time. David had this resonant baritone voice that I was always envious of. And he damn sure knew how to use it.
While I never had the pipes that he had, I also never had the confidence to use what voice I had at the time as well as he did.
Dave’s note was simple and so very profound.
“Ryan, you’re at 12. Take it down to 8,” Big Dave said once upon a time.
I was trying way, way, way too hard. Honestly, I think I was trying to be Rod Roddy from The Price is Right instead of being Ryan Hall.
I never thought being Ryan Hall was enough.
Even 20 years later, I still struggle with seeing myself as enough. And I cannot tell you how many coaching calls I’ve devoted to shifting this perspective in my life.
This week, I want to begin a conversation about what it means to find your voice.
I’ve spoken before about my dear friend Emily. I graduated from Accomplishment Coaching with her and created a podcast with her. She’s been one of my favorite people ever since the moment we first met.
She recently created her own internet radio show called Love Living Radio. And it’s truly brilliant and a perfect representation of who she is – not simply as my friend, but as a human being in the world.
But if you knew the woman I knew in the beginning of our relationship, you wouldn’t have dreamed she’d be on such a big stage. As she once said to me – “you helped me find my voice again.”
Side note: Magic Time will be coming back. It may have a different title and some different voices, but I’ve got an idea brewing.
Side note 2: Em, I’m dying to be a guest on your show! Call me!
Much of 2018 for me has been devoted to me finding my own voice. And while it’s been tricky, it’s been crazy rewarding.
I’m reminded of a quote from the season two premiere episode of The West Wing. We flash back to the time when President Bartlet is governor of New Hampshire and running for president. He had a pretty significant crisis of confidence.
Leo – his best friend and campaign manager said something so beautiful to him. I think it illustrates who I’m becoming in the world better than just about anything.
“This is the time of Jed Bartlet, old friend. You’re gonna open your mouth and lift houses off the ground. Whole houses, clear off the ground.”
One of the most enduring and endearing qualities of the Bartlet character was his oratorical skill and talent. Many houses lifted off the ground.
If you want to be a king in the world, you cannot be afraid to use your voice!
Don’t be afraid to say the thing.
I’ll never forget the first time I called out someone for controversial, peasant-like comments or behavior on this site. Last fall when the Harvey Weinstein sexual assault story broke, I was nervous as hell when I submitted that piece to my editor. I knew I wanted to express my disappointment in his actions, but I also wanted to be responsible for the facts of the story. Make no mistake, there was fire behind my words.
If you think about it, the Weinstein story essentially started the #metoo movement. No significance there at all…
That was a big step for me in owning my own voice. This space here on the Good Men Project over the past two-plus years has been huge in helping me find my own voice.
As I stated in that Weinstein piece, I’m a powerful man. And I have a divine duty to use my voice responsibly.
I met many brilliant men and women at the Writer’s Hotel conference I attended a few weeks ago. And while I intuitively knew this, I got super present to just how powerful my voice is.
A king has a divine responsibility to find and use their voice.
|
One of the most powerful things anyone said to me that week came from my buddy Parks. He’s an MFA student and a gifted writer and novelist in his own right. And this thing he said to me has stuck to my soul like Krazy Glue.
“I read a lot of material, and you’ve got one of the strongest voices I’ve ever read.”
Yeah…damn!
To truly be a king, one must find their voice. And during the month of July, that’s exactly what I’m going to support y’all with.
If you want to take control of your life, and who you’re being in the world, here are a few places to look.
Do you want to:
- Speak out on an issue?
- Communicate more effectively at work?
- Be a stronger parent, partner, friend, or spouse?
- Or simply pick up the phone and make a call you find yourself nervous to make?
We’re going to do this every week by asking a question. I’m going to ask the first question this week and discuss it further next week.
A king has a divine responsibility to find and use their voice. And I want to support you to get there.
If you want to get a head start on this and work with me one on one, I’d love to support you. Email me at [email protected] and we can schedule a time to connect.
Here’s your first question: What is your truth?
I ask this with this caveat. Your truth isn’t:
- Your name.
- Your friends and family.
- Your job.
- What kind of car you drive.
- What you look like.
That’s all what you are. What you are isn’t your truth.
Feel free to share in the comments or shoot me an email. And we’ll discuss this next week.
Kings of the world: it’s time to speak up.
Photo by Steven Jones