Highly Overrated Things Evolved Men Don’t Do When Dating

 

It’s easy to buy into mythconceptions or slide into counterproductive behaviors that do nothing but undermine one’s efforts to enjoy amazing relationships.

For time immemorial, society has been forcing on us unrealistic and half-baked truths about what a “strong” and attractive man should look like. And at the end of the day, many of these overrated beliefs and behaviors find their way into our lives.

As a result, dating and relationships end up being 10x more complicated than they should be for most men. But not for highly evolved and self-aware men. And that’s because they aren’t fond of the following:

1. Shying Away From Vulnerability

For longer than I can remember, I’ve always been told that men are supposed to be logical rather than emotional.

Instead of opening up emotionally to someone in the face of adversity, when I’m beaten up by the ups and downs of life, I’d opt to often come off as a “never feel pain” kind of guy. I had even gone as far as being that “perfect partner” who never gets mad at his woman even when I should.

What changed my mind was an article by Mark Manson titled “Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships.”

After reading this article, I realized how much I’ve been making my life and love life difficult by doing the following things:

• Refusing to admit I suck at something
• Avoiding taking responsibility and blaming others instead
• Shying away from telling someone when they’re being hurtful or insensitive
• Telling someone how much I admire, love, or respect them

 

Being invulnerable is more than just a disaster. Bottling up everything will make you come across as a shallow, robotic guy that’s unattractive at best. And hard to connect with at worst.

2. Caring Less About a Partner’s Feelings and Emotions

This is one of the biggest turn-offs or relationship pain points for most women.

I’m sure you’ve also countlessly done this without knowing. Your partner or love interest tries to relate to you something that transpired during her day at work or elsewhere that also made her uncomfortable. And then the next thing you do is tell her how it isn’t much of a big deal.

You might even choose to cheer her up when she’s sad instead of listening, validating, and understanding her feelings simply because her vibes at that moment make you uncomfortable.

I’ve even done worse in the past. The thought of how I’ve been an inconsiderate d*ck who used to often minimize, invalidate, and even shame the feelings of the women I was involved with in the past makes me cringe.

Failing to give a f*ck about where people you claim to care about stand emotionally isn’t just rude. It’s also abusive. No one wants or appreciates subtle or even harsh forms of emotional abuse. Because if all you do when someone tells you how they feel is somehow make them question their feelings and experiences, you’re simply being emotionally manipulative and abusive.

People crave real connections with real people. And one of the easiest ways to hinder a strong emotional connection with a partner or love interest is by making them feel like their emotions don’t matter.

Nothing hurts or gets in the way of deeper connection with someone than dismissing their feelings because you think they’re illogical.

3. Being Obsessed with Having a Normal Hair

This doesn’t just stem from deep-seated insecurities. But one of the most common things that reek of a higher investment is what others might think of one.

A woman that’ll like you for who you are, won’t give a damn about full or normal hair: your receding hairline or even graying hair. There are so much more things that make a man attractive to prospective dates than having normal hair.

There isn’t a valid and logical reason to be overly self-conscious about a receding hairline or graying hair to the extent that it’ll have negative impacts on your general confidence.

See, what really matters is your character, humor, and the way you are as a person. Balding or greying hairs are mostly natural things that are related to one’s genetic makeup.

And the best thing one can do is own it and let it be a part of his personality. Because any woman who doesn’t like you for your greying hair or baldness doesn’t deserve you either.

4. Shying Away From Responsibility

I used to be friends with guys who would never take responsibility for or admit their mistakes no matter what.

Knowing them so well, I’ve known them to be people who are simply obsessed with being right and projecting a strong persona. Hence, apologizing whenever they intentionally or otherwise hurt others often makes them feel like they’ll come off as weaklings or flat-out terrible people.

I know that sounds a bit too judgmental. But I just can’t get my hands on why one will be finding it so difficult to say sorry and make amends when they’re supposed to.

A female friend recently told me how her now ex use to find it difficult to think he’ll ever be at fault. It’s just off-putting!

I’ve always believed that a highly evolved and emotionally mature man (or woman) will always know very well that it’s humane for one to make mistakes that’ll hurt others.

And hence, he or she will be humane, loving, and empathetic enough to often try to pave way for resolution, reaffirmation of shared values, and restoration of positive feelings whenever they’ve hurt the other party.

5. Being Obsessed with Being Taller or Having Same Height

Many men who aren’t naturally endowed with height blame their lack thereof in height or other physical traits for the misfortunes of their dating and love lives.

There’s no need to be obsessed with your physical appearance. All you just need is to be comfortable in your own skin, be proud of who you are, and love yourself among all things.

Because for instance, if you’re comfortable with going out with taller women, it’s not going to be an issue for the women once love is involved.

6. Obsessing Over The Size Of Their P*nises

For many men, bigger p*nises equals greater satisfaction for a romantic or sexual partner.

No, that’s not always true. Big p*nises are overrated at most. They don’t automatically guarantee greater sex experiences. Neither does lack thereof in the size of a man’s p*nis means he’s automatically terrible in bed.

In fact, Sven Raphael Schneider of Gentlemen’s Gazette puts it well:

“It doesn’t say anything about you as a person and it doesn’t even say whether you’re good in bed or not.”

This implies that women are mostly concerned with your personality, character, attentiveness in bed, and willingness to make her happy.

The truth is, only a man with confidence issues will be so obsessed with the thoughts of how big or small his p*nis is.

Hence, there’s no point in building your self-worth and confidence around the big size of your manhood or feeling insecure and uncomfortable if you aren’t “that endowed.” Because it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does.

7. Having a Lot of Money

This one seems a bit controversial but it’s actually more straightforward than it isn’t. Women aren’t obsessed with loads of money as most men believe.

Besides, a man in his right senses will want a partner who loves him for him and not someone who is simply obsessed with what he has.

This implies that a woman who is attracted by and fascinated by your money doesn’t really like you for you. And it’s probably not a nice idea to date her at all.

Because a woman that is into you wouldn’t care about how much money you make or have as most women have their own money these days.

All you just need is to be self-dependent, confident, and have a positive drive. Of course, having some money is somehow related to this, but you don’t need to be a millionaire to achieve it. A steady source of income will do the magic.

8. Unceasing Compliments

The second you decide to start worshiping, praising, or idolizing a woman always with some kind of superficial or even flattering compliments, the count down to the end of your relationship begins.

The more you prioritize complimenting women all day long basically on their looks and appearance, the more women are going to find you unattractive.

That’s right. Because women don’t fancy being complimented all day long. It’s kind of uncomfortable.

For sure, receiving some genuine compliments every once in a while is quite charming. But being placed on an endless pedestal isn’t.

The truth is, women will always prefer a conducive relationship environment where they can be free to be vulnerable, express their feelings, and be themselves. Over one where they’re compelled to believe that they’re some kind of perfect, sexy, or extremely gorgeous divas.

Because the fact it’s most likely that you’re flattering her and exaggerating things will make you come across as insincere and even creepy.

Hence, no matter the reason why you might want to chase or haunt a woman with unceasing compliments, it just isn’t attractive. Simple.

9. Having Little to No Respect For A Partner’s Boundaries

This one hits home the most for me.

After all the things I’ve experienced ever since I came of age, I’ve come to realize that one of the worst things to do in a relationship is to be that partner whose second nature is trampling all over his significant other’s personal boundaries.

Because being one is more or less like being a boundaries buster that only believes in a conditional love that exists only when his partner always says ‘yes’. And complies with whatever he wants, says, or does, irrespective of how his actions and inactions affect his partners. How stressful and energy-depleting will that be for a romantic partner?

That’s why one of the most underrated things to do in a relationship is to avoid being that partner who despises boundaries. And doesn’t at least tolerate their partners’ differences let alone accept them.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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