I’ ve had some horrendous first affair “dates.”
So have some of my readers.
This “lifestyle” is not as simple as you would think. Getting laid out of network takes skill and fortitude. And sheer willpower.
Oh, Ms. Baby, I have gotten the same messages. “You are perfect!” which makes me laugh since my hubby certainly can point out my every flaw.
“Well, I had a broken heart (from a previous AP — another story). I was on the rebound. And this guy was PERSISTENT!”
Been there, done that.
Those persistent guys have a way of sneaking under the defenses.
“We meet in a bar in broad daylight (my suggestion- I required alcohol to get through this). He’s there already; he has bought me the requested drink. He’s better looking in person. Quite gorgeous, actually. My spirits rise. He’s charming, very funny. Not at all, like he texts. I’m warming up to this guy — maybe there’s potential,” she writes.
Things are looking up! I was excited for you.
“Then it happens.”
OH NO!
“I’m talking about where I grew up. ‘Ughhh, there’s too many yids there, crawling all over says casually. I don’t understand. I say, ‘What are yids?’ He says, ‘Oh, you know, Jews.’”
“My jaw slackens; I’m speechless.”
Yup, this is one of those shit-this-sucks moments.
“He continues with another topic as if what he says is okay. When I gather my thoughts, I ask casually if he was proudly anti-Semitic or if it was something he only pulled out on dates. His reply involves the standard bigoted response … ‘I’m not racist at all… I wish they’d integrate…I have lots of Jewish friends.’ (yeah, right). I politely bade him farewell.”
So close and yet so far in the adultery land.
“An hour later, back to the same chat garbage, ‘Loved meeting you. We are so similar. We’re gonna have so much fun together…’” she wrote.
“Well… it’s like this, Tony. I just don’t think this will work out.”
This is where the line is drawn.
“Mainly because our values don’t match. I had a think about it — can I spend time with someone who talks about any group of people like that? What other offensive prejudices are hiding under his rock? May sound petty to you, but for me and everyone I know, that sort of talk is just a deal breaker. And a red flag for me.”
“And I just fear that usually where there’s one red flag on the first date, there’s usually more later. One benefit of getting older.”
Boy, does she have that right. Those damn red flags multiply like cockroaches with bad APs. Pretty soon, you dread replying to texts. “What now,” you think? Do I have to cushion the wording so he won’t get offended? This is getting old already…
“I’m not the right girl for you, Tony. Ciao.”
“Delete chat. Block Tony. Have shower. Yes, I had to wash him out of my hair.* (see below) A wolf in sheep’s clothing? That’s an insult to wolves.”
Ms. Baby had the right idea.
Cheating was already scummy.
She was feeling dirty enough.
She didn’t need to sink so low.
And, neither do you, dear reader. We all have our lines in the sand. What we are willing to tolerate for sex. That’s the eternal dilemma.
Previously Published on Medium
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