I made the bold move of relocating overseas to begin a romantic relationship. We moved in together, and suddenly a pandemic hit.
With travel restrictions at an all-time high, there was only one possible outcome of our relationship: it had to work.
My partner and I first met during a trip I had made overseas. We fell deeply in love, and after I returned home from abroad, we began a long-distance relationship. Not long after, I decided to move to his homeland (located right across the other side of the world).
I mean, moving in with someone at such an early stage in the relationship is hard enough. Though imagine you’re at that stage where heated arguments become as regular as breakfast, and breaking up seems like the only way out…
Well, thanks to a pandemic, I had no way out.
So if you’re in a similar situation, or are simply thinking of ending your relationship (but are finding it hard to walk away), here’s how my relationship survived being confronted with every possible fear and emotion I’ve ever experienced:
1. Communication style is key
Communication itself is important in a relationship, though one thing I noticed in my situation, was that how we both communicated at the start, was quite toxic.
Rage became the driver of honest conversations, which meant that both of us became triggered to defend. The discussions soon became battles of how best to respond, rather than listening to understand.
So I took a stand to my issues within. Even though I’d be triggered by things he said, I’d walk away, tell him I needed a moment, and articulate what I wanted to say (without the influence of adrenaline). I then came back to the conversation with a humble vibe.
I mean, in an ideal world, you both would understand each other and never (or rarely) become triggered. Though this can be a challenge when you’re still getting to know each other in the early stages of your relationship.
Sometimes walking away and settling your fire before confronting a situation, or reacting to one that is present, will help you to understand the situation in a clearer sense. Being in a calmer state will also help you to appear sincere, and therefore your partner will be less likely to see the conversation as a threat, but rather a discussion that will lead to a positive outcome.
2. Spend time alone
I had to learn this one the hard way. Especially when the pandemic created restrictions on how or when we could spend our time outside.
If you’re in a similar situation to what I was, and you both have to be home at certain times, there are still ways in which you can be alone.
Spending time alone, not only helped me to analyze why I was reacting or feeling certain ways when arguing in my relationship, but it also helped me to heal.
If you have a balcony or backyard, then why not spend time alone reading outside or listening to your favorite music, whilst sipping on a warm cup of tea or coffee? If you’re restricted to a smaller home, without being able to go outside, then you could watch a movie in the next room, or take a relaxing bath and light a beautifully scented candle.
3. Be understanding, no matter how difficult the situation may seem
Although there were some days that I absolutely could not tolerate certain behaviors from my partner, over time, I started to understand him. Part of the understanding process came from the memories he had told me of his childhood and life overall.
It is never okay to tolerate toxic behaviors, though if you can understand your partner, then perhaps you could even help them in their healing process.
In my case, my partner was very open to healing through meditation and chakra energy healing techniques (of which I had taught him and learned through my healing and transformation journey). Though, if your lover is not so open to healing techniques of your suggestion, then you can still help them become more self-aware. By being self-aware, they may naturally seek to heal themselves.
4. Realize that your relationship will never be perfect, even when wounds are healed
Even though my partner and I had eventually come to a resolution regarding our issues, later on, there was always some sort of twist to the story.
Though every time we resolved an issue, we became stronger as a couple and our love seemed to blossom.
Life will always come with surprises and it will test each of us, and our relationships. We can’t expect to resolve one argument and never have another. Though with every resolution, we learn something new about ourselves, our partner, and our relationship. We can only become stronger in the end.
5. Remember why you fell in love
Sometimes it can be hard to look at your partner with rose-colored glasses, especially if you have been emotionally hurt by them.
I experienced this first hand, being the stubborn person I am, I found it extremely hard to let go of certain words said in the past.
Give yourself time to calm from an intense situation with your partner, and from my experience, time is the best healer.
When you are in a clearer and calmer sense of mind, think about what is it that made you fall in love with them. Appreciate and think about all the positive things they do for you, and how they make you feel.
6. Write each other a love letter
Sometimes we get so caught up in criticizing our partners, that we forget to show the love we feel for them.
If you’re like me and prefer to articulate your thoughts and emotions through writing, then suggest to your partner that you both write each other a love letter.
The love letter doesn’t have to be a well-written poem, or anything complicated for that matter, it is simply yours and their honest thoughts on what you love about each other.
I found this worked well between my partner and I. After reading each other’s letter, we both felt a deeper sense of love for each other, and quickly forgot about all the negativity that we had experienced in the last week or so. By communicating what we both loved about each other, it inspired us to be the best we could be in our lives and strengthened our romantic bond.
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Every relationship’s situation may be different, though the one thing that they all have in common, is that they began with love. And it is with love that they can be saved.
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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: istockphoto.com