How Do I Love Someone & Remain Detached?

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

When getting serious and moving from dating into a relationship, how do you open to adoring someone and also remain detached?

Meredeth F.

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Hey Meredeth,

I don’t.

And if you crave an intimate relationship, you don’t either.

Romance is a tricky business.

You actually have to be vulnerable. That’s where the magic happens, and nothing deep will ever develop if you’re working at being detached.

Perhaps your real question is, “How do I be adoring of someone and not appear needy or lose footing in a new relationship?” or “How do I adore this person and not be hurt?”

My answer remains the same.

For a real connection, you need to open your heart.

Be you.

Be real.

Be vulnerable.

Be willing to love.

And in this process, maintain your own full life.

What keeps you interesting is not detachment or being aloof, it’s that strong, sexy backbone you have when you’re autonomous and pursuing your interests and purpose.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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