How Do I Stop Obsessing Over Someone?

There must be a link, right? That one person has become so important to you that it seems like every song on Spotify is a tribute to them. And the excitement of knowing that texts are on the way at the notification bell.

He was someone whom we tagged as a “romantic man.” Initially, he was somewhat introverted and shy, but as the adage goes, “still water runs deep.” He couldn’t express it, but in reality, he was very romantic and loyal. You can take him as an example of “introverts are more romantic and loyal.”.

His loyal feelings grew exponentially when he met Rev at his friend’s gathering while on vacation during Christmas.

She has her style; her eyes sparkle with intelligence; and he was drawn to her smile, which seems to light up his whole world. She was kind, and her posture was beautiful.

She made a lasting impression of clamor and power on him.

Then he shared with his best friend about his feelings. The feelings were about her. And hopefully, his friend was mutual. She was working in his friend’s girlfriend’s office. When she knew about his interest in Rev. She arranged a formal coffee meeting.

The good thing was that, after that meeting, they both knew each other.

And started chatting on Snapchat.

They had dinner together. After talking with her and getting to know each other for 4 days, he found that she was already in a long-distance relationship with someone.

There were two reasons he didn’t see signs that she was already taken: For example, frequent phone calls, especially video calls, and some love gestures on calls.

First one: He was in love with her blindly.
Second, women like to keep their personal lives personal. They don’t usually talk about her personal life when they first meet.

And that was two weeks after he had a lot of thoughts about Rev. It was like the book was written in his mind about every moment they spent together

What is wrong?

As her responses slowed down and her availability dropped, he began to make up stories in his head. Were she is busy?

He became hooked on all of this and couldn’t stop thinking about it throughout the day.

It is very relatable; many of us have become obsessed with someone from whom it comes in the way of our daily lives and happiness.

So how do we get stuck in this rough mental water and break free?

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Science Behind The Obsession

So what is the science behind this? I mean obsession.

We study the midbrain in 10th grade. I hope you are familiar with it. It has something to do with our obsession. There is one region named VTA. Have you remembered? It’s a ventral tegmental area. This region of the midbrain has certain dopaminergic neurons, which release dopamine — the neurotransmitter that makes us feel good.

Dopamine is associated with the reward center. So in above case, it was released in his mind during his first encounter with Rev. Which made him feel better — maybe he was in the euphoric stage.

With every encounter with her there was an increase in the neurotransmitter dopamine in his brain makes him feel intense pleasure, which is very addicting.

And you know what our brain is very good at remembering things and feelings.

That’s what could make him act obsessively: remembering how happy he felt with her makes him want to talk to her, see her, and meet her over and over again.

Some other factors drive obsession. For example, emotions We are humans, and humans are unique because of emotions. We connect through emotions.

For example, In the above case, he was an introvert, and had innate emotional connections. The more they met, the more he talked to her. He was getting emotionally connected with her.

He became addicted to the happiness and joy he got and felt when he was with her, and he was always looking for that emotional bond. Even though he was shy, the strong feelings he felt around her were too much for him to handle.

As their exchanges grew, so did his feelings for her, and he became obsessed with being close to her constantly. Over time, his obsession reached new heights because of how deeply he felt about her.

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How can He break the Obsession?

Wanting to get rid of this obsession, I will do the following things:

#1. I will break the connections.

He didn’t have a chance because she was already seeing someone else. Putting himself first is the first thing he should do. And don’t talk to her on any social media sites; stop her everywhere.

Because stalking her posts and photos all the time and starting to talk to her will only make him more obsessed.

He will always wait for her message and think about her all the time if he is still talking to her or chatting with her. This makes it impossible for him to move on.

#2. It was just attraction, not love — Focusing on facts

He fell for her on her first impression. The first impression of love, which we call “love at first sight,” is only based on appearance.

So he had to accept the fact that it was not his love; it was just attraction. True love is based on several factors, not solely on its appearance.

#3. Now it is time to distract

Now the main thing comes. He has to distract himself from Her. If I am there I will do it in two parts.

I will go on vacation.

For example, when I am sad and have some unwanted thoughts, I need to travel with my support system. Recently, a few months ago, I was sad because I failed in a subject. And I thought about it constantly. I was having thoughts like, “I’m not capable of doing that.” But my support system helped me to be myself, and I felt confident. I went on a trip with them for 3 days, and I enjoyed the hill stations and falls.

I was distracted from those unwanted thoughts that were stressing me.

So he should do some activities that temporarily distract him from her, for example, being with friends, traveling, or watching Netflix. There are several activities he can do.

2. Finding her alternative

After being temporarily distracted, now it’s time to find someone else instead of her. There are 7 billion people on this earth, so he has a lot of options.

Try some dating apps, and he can also try something called a blind date.

Finding an alternative is like a permanent distraction from her.

Because if he finds someone new, his whole attention will be diverted to her new one. This may help stop the overactivity of the reward pathways that were previously focused on the Rev. And the brain can change how it works by making new nerve connections throughout a person’s life.

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I hope you enjoyed reading. This blog post comes from what I’ve learned, what I think, and what I believe. Sign up for my Medium newsletter.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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