Today I want to share with you one my deepest fears: I struggle with how I can share my depression with my children in a meaningful way, especially with my oldest son.
Gabe is just about the same age that I was when I first began my journey to rock bottom. Looking back, I can’t imagine him doing half the things I did when I was his age. When I was thirteen, I was getting blackout drunk, high, and on my way to my first hospitalization.
If I share this with him, will he look at me differently? As a parent and role model is it even appropriate to share this story? There are so many questions and tons of nerve-wracking vulnerability hiding behind this parent mask.
Talking to kids versus adults
With that said, I appreciate that I can provide a healthy environment for him to grow up in and I’m grateful that my wife and I are breaking the cycle we both endured growing up.
When I look at my son, I see a bright young man who is artistic, compassionate, and always seeking to learn more about the world around him. But I also see a spitting reflection of myself quietly trying to make that awkward transition from child to adult, and it scares the shit out of me.
Up to this point, sharing my story with other adults has been more comfortable because I can open up about topics that may not be appropriate to discuss with children. Still, I can’t let this reason hold me back.
What are the numbers on adolescent depression?
As a parent, you want to protect your children from the evils of the world, yet it’s often unavoidable.
Check out these stats from the National Institute of Mental Health:
- An estimated 3.1 million adolescents aged 12 to 17 in the United States had at least one major depressive episode. This number represented 12.8% of the U.S. population aged 12 to 17
- In 2016, an estimated 2.2 million adolescents aged 12 to 17 in the United States had at least one major depressive episode with severe impairment. This number represented 9.0% of the U.S. population aged 12 to 17
- Of adolescents with major depressive episode, approximately 70% had severe impairment. Approximately 60% of adolescents with major depressive episode did not receive treatment.
Not a matter of if but when
With numbers like these, it’s not a matter of if and more of a question of when a teenager might experience depression. I can remember many of the kids I hung around being down and it was casually played off as just the “teenage years.” However, at the same time, many of my peers were being quietly hospitalized.
The stigma associated with being sent to the “loony bin” is too much to bear for many families and students. We struggle with how to cope with the experience sweeping all the confusion and emotions under the carpet. This type of behavior isn’t helpful, and I don’t want to condone it.
When should you talk?
But I don’t want to wait too long to talk to my son about depression either. Recently he came to me and asked, “What is depression?”
Apparently, a kid in his class was “out of school” for being “sick.” This student, upon returning, told my son that he had depression. Am I already too late? Have I been complicit in covering up mental health stigma because of my fears?
In the end, I’d like to think if I keep the lines of communication open I should be okay, but the pain of my history is ever-present. And, is open communication even enough?
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Originally Published on charlesminguez.com
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