How Do You Know You Have Found “The One”?

How did Barbie know that Ken was right for her? Or how did Cinderella know that she was meant to be with a prince after one night of dancing? Or how did Shrek end up marrying Fiona? Was it faith or a choice?

I can’t be the only one who has grown up in the middle of fairytales where there is always a happy ending and the couple gets to live happily ever after. I’ve grown to love happy endings. That’s how naive those movies have made me. But some realistic part is still left in me because I’ve always wondered how they knew it was the one for them. In movies, it’s obviously faith (or the manuscript). But what about real life? How do people know this is it?

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If I was Cinderella, I would’ve needed a lot more than one night of dancing and a shoe return to marry the prince. It would have probably taken at least three years of dating, a lot of flowers, and maybe some chocolate.

But not everyone is as skeptical as me. For someone else a dance and a shoe return probably would’ve been it. I would have been there just standing by frozen and stunned when the prince gets taken straight under my nose (and cursing my skeptical arse).

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Why do we (or just me) need so much convincing? Or why do we have to doubt everything? It’s almost like we are used to being disappointed and that’s the feeling we keep expecting even when it’s unnecessary. Or maybe it’s a safety mechanism to keep us from disappointing too dramatically.

And just to be clear, I don’t doubt EVERYTHING. All the doubts and the annoying little voice in my head are flying out of the window during the famous but dangerous “honeymoon” phase. It’s the only time of our lives when are not disgusted by farts or nose-picking. Unfortunately, that’s not the only thing we seem to be able to ignore. And I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.

All of a sudden we might find ourselves in a situation where we have been treated worse than Cinderella by her stepmother. The prince charming isn’t that charming anymore. Things might have gone from a shoe return to a shoe wreck faster than expected. We try to stick to our Cinderella role as long as possible and keep wishing for a happy ending but don’t realize that it might be with a different prince. And there goes another Pinterest wedding board to trash.

Therefore, we are so skeptical. So much, in fact, that when a prince who wouldn’t cause a shoe wreck comes along, we keep expecting it. That stupid little voice inside our heads starts suggesting different scenarios on how it might happen. Or even worse: how we could make it happen in a way that we could blame them for it and prove our little fearful voice right.

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Maybe we have watched too much Cinderella growing up. As a result, we have so high expectations that we forget that our partner isn’t an actual prince, just a human. And when they act like an imperfect human, we freak out because we are looking for nothing less than a perfect fairytale romance that should magically last a lifetime. Because real love conquers all, right?

I guess so. But at the same time that seems to be the one thing that keeps us from finding “the one” in real life. It’s almost like we would have put a stamp on our brains that says “All your problems are going to disappear when you meet the one” (which is not true, by the way). So we keep on looking and deleting Pinterest wedding boards while worrying that we might be wasting our precious little life with the wrong prince.

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So back to the original question: How did Barbie know Ken was right for her? I think one major factor is that Barbie can’t worry. She is always having fun. Yes, I think on this one we should all look up to Barbie. We should focus more on what’s happening currently and not think about what might happen. Or what might not happen. Or how we are wasting our time. The clock ticks the same speed no matter what we are doing so if you think about it like that, time can’t really be wasted (girl math). We can’t control the universe so let it stroll how it’s meant to stroll.

And while it strolls, from this other aspect we should definitely not look up to Barbie. We should keep in mind that we are surrounded by humans, not Kens. We can’t expect our partners to be perfect because that is just impossible. We can’t do it ourselves either because we aren’t Barbies. And this doesn’t mean that we should put up with a ton of ****. Definitely not. But rather to remind us that there is room for human mistakes and also forgiveness.

Last but not least to relieve our stressful “the one” searching, try switching your mindset just for a brief moment. I learned this from a podcast I was listening to recently (leave a comment if you are interested in it). They were talking about adapting into a mindset where “the one” is rather your own conscious choice than some kind of a predestined path. A choice based on your desires, experiences, and properly functioning brain. Just give a moment to this thought. Doesn’t it sound relieving?

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Somehow it all makes sense now. Cinderella had the chance to say no to the prince but she accepted the proposal. Barbie and Ken had a thousand other dolls to choose from in their Barbie land but they chose each other. And Shrek and Fiona had every reason not to be together but they chose to do it anyway.

This same freedom of choice applies to us. We get to choose who is the one for us and what the terms of “the one” are. We are not puppets controlled by faith but rather the opposite.

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Thank you for reading all the way over here! If you want to know more about me, you can give me a follow here on Medium and on my Pinterest.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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