How I Avoid Pickup Artists and Manipulators

A few years ago, I came across a book called “The Game” by Neil Strauss. As someone enthusiastic about attraction and relationships, I’ve got curious about how pickup techniques work.

Pickup techniques are more common than we think. I came to know friends who learned a few of those in the past. They are not inherently bad people, many of them were just looking for ways to have more confidence and success around women, and pickup techniques were often what they could find online.

However, there are real predators out there who would have little concern about women as humans.

Once, I met a man who was trying to pick me up. I met him from the dating app Bumble, and we met at a coffee place.

At first, seeing through his real intentions, I wanted to see what tricks he could do. But it didn’t take long for him to start with worse things, such as negging, and I had to cut the meeting short and go away.

How predators and manipulators pick women up

There are two very powerful concepts when it comes to manipulation: seducing through embodying what someone desires, and keeping them hooked by targeting their inner voids and insecurities.

For example, many good-looking women are used to men trying to get their attention. A seasoned pickup artist can understand that and try to act as if he does not care about a beautiful woman by interacting with others around her while giving her little to no attention. This can trigger her curiosity and desire for assurance, since this is not what she is used to. Then, when he finally interacts with her, he can give a backhanded compliment that makes her feel insecure and want validation from him.

With the man I met, he tried to get my attention by positioning himself favorably. He shared past stories to impress me as a potentially interesting lover, and was trying to be physically closer and closer with me.

Eventually, I told him that I was planning to focus on my hobbies later that day, to politely let him know that I wouldn’t stay much longer.

After a while, he started to aim for my confidence by commenting on different things with a hint of negativity, portraying how I might be at a disadvantage in the dating scene, so I shouldn’t date around too much.

How to avoid being manipulated

If I didn’t know better, I would have let his comments go through me and feel insecure. And then, this insecurity would subconsciously drive me to get validation from him, to make sure I’m worthy as a woman in the dating scene.

Even before knowing about pickup techniques, I always had something very powerful that works like a charm when it comes to avoiding being manipulated.

Whenever someone makes a dubious or negative comment about me, instead of internalizing it as my own issue, I see it as their issue.

For example, if someone says how they prefer some other body type or looks, I would see it as a lack of compatibility in attraction instead of my body type being an issue.

Besides, what someone says often says a lot more about them than us.

If someone says things like “you are a good looking woman, although having fringe to cover your big forehead would be better”, I would feel turned off and lose my interest in them.

After all, why would someone say things like that to someone else? If I’m not very attracted to someone, I wouldn’t even comment on their not-so-attractive (to me) characteristics, since this seems insensitive, and the other person is not obliged to be attractive to me.

To avoid the pitfall of taking things personally, we can question how a person is making us feel, and why it is happening. I often ask myself internally what the other person intends to make me feel by what he says, and his possible motivations for doing so.

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Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. She’s in love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.

If you find this interesting, feel free to check out other related articles:

The Double-Edged Sword of Dark Feminine Teachings

What I Learned from Pickup Artists, Seducers, Gold Diggers and Sugar Babies

Black Cat Or Golden Retriever? What I Learned About Attracting Men

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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