How Is Your Swiping Game?

Last summer two ladies gave Tinder a chance to find something real. They were both attractive women, they both wanted to date better men and they both wanted something more than a few dates.

Lady #1

She was on Tinder to ultimately find love. She knew her chances were low but she wanted to date better men. No commitment issues, no childish behavior, no ghosting. The profile she kept swiping right looked like this;

Max 5 years older than her,
Good jobs,
No ‘look I have abs’ guys,
The ones with Linkedin like bios,
No ONS guys,
Photos looked genuine,
So ‘real people’ (in her words).

Her whole motto was ‘I’m a real woman and I’m on Tinder, there is gotta be a guy who is on this app whom I can have something real with’. So she went for the good on paper guys. She had good dates. These were all responsible, down-to-earth guys and she enjoyed that she had similar tastes with these men. While she was dating around with ‘real men’, the other lady was busy too. Let’s have a look at her swiping game.

Lady #2

She again wanted the real thing but she had no agenda on how to get there. To her, a man having a good job on his profile or decent photos didn’t mean much. With no bias, she swiped right for the following fellas;

‘I have abs’ guys,
The ones who were also open to ONS,
Holding the ‘fish’ guys,
The ones with the kinky bio’s,
The ones looked like God really took his time creating.

Yeap. She went for the Adonis. She went for the sex. Even though the idea was to find something real, she didn’t set boundaries to get there. See, for her, a real man was also kinky and quirky. She also had no insecurities on the Tinder game, so she kept swiping the handsome ones.

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This went on for weeks while these two ladies went on different dates with different types of men. To be fair to Lady #2, she had far more dates than Lady #1 as she didn’t limit herself to a specific stereotype.

A few months later, Lady #1 settled with the real man. Good on paper, good in the sack, good to spend time with. The real man was around, Tinder was deleted.

Meanwhile, Lady #2 decided to date 2 guys at the same time and gave herself more time before she made up her mind on one.

The real man of lady #1 ended up ghosting her like a teenager and turned out to have many commitment issues even though he presented himself as ready to settle down. She is downloaded Tinder back but her heart isn’t in it anymore.

Lady #2 decided on one guy eventually too. Around the time she started seeing him exclusively, she found out she was being kicked out of her apartment. Her date offered her to move in with him and they have been living together for about 8 months now. She is extremely happy with her new boyfriend and about to celebrate Christmas with their families.

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So, how important is swiping?

Does it matter that the guys we swipe right have jobs or if they look ‘decent’? Do a man having a good job and good friends ensure he is ready to settle? Are ‘I have abs guys’ more grownup than the ‘look at my tie’ guys?

Tinder is ultimately a platform to judge people for their appearances for sure. We spent a few seconds deciding on a future contact with someone based on their looks and a few written sentences. Then again, should we really judge?

What I’m more curious to find out is that, do guys do this too? How important is the role of a photo on Tinder when we are basing decisions on dates?

I also think there is one main difference between these two women. That’s the mindset. To believe ‘something real’ needs to fit into certain expectations is a limited strategy with no room to pivot. The phrase ‘ you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover’ literally needs to be Tinder’s motto. She wanted to narrow her choices but the plan failed her. Then again, maybe Lady#2 was just lucky. Or, did she increase her chances because she went out with more men with no limitations?

I’d really appreciate it if male writers would enlighten me on this.

With much love,

April Moons.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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