How long does it take to “get over” an affair?
One redditor laments:
It’s been 6 months for me and I’m still crying about it every night. I miss our intimacy and our friendship.
After several years together, it ended amicably enough. He felt too guilty. We tried being just friends, but I couldn’t, so I asked to be NC (no communication) so that I could heal and move on.
Yet, I can’t.
I’m doing everything right — I sit with my grief, I journal, I see a therapist. I’m focusing on myself — yet I still wish we could be back together.
Aw shit, lady. I’ve been there.
In the throes of depression.
“Why can’t we be together?”
I wanted to be chosen.
Pure and simple. To feel special.
Redditors responded:
“It’ll ebb and flow. There’s days when you are more angry than sad and others when you are at peace with it. Days when life happens and you finally catch a break from thinking of him all the time. And days when it hurts so much you can’t believe you’ll ever come out of this. I’m two years out of the affair, and I think on some level, it’ll always hurt a bit. I’m not over the hurt, but I am over him.”
Another person responded, “I thought going on new dates constantly would help. It does a little but then it goes back to feeling emptiness. Like forcing yourself to forget your old lover to move on.”
“One day you’ll realize you couldn’t remember the last time you cried and you haven’t thought of him in months,” another Redditor promised.
“It depends. No one answer. It’s almost like dealing with a death. I don’t expect you’ll ever get over it. You just need to find ways to move forward.”
“I have no words of wisdom, only to say keep on doing what you’re doing. There is no right answer. Hugs.”
It’s the loss of the fantasy.
That’s it in a nutshell.
The lady above mourns something she never really had. Honestly, the reality of being with your affair partner, long-term, forever, would dull. Keep that in mind.
Nothing stays shiny forever.
The limerence would fade. You would start to see their many flaws. They wouldn’t be an ideal, any longer.
A lover is a pipe dream.
And of course, it can’t last.
It never should, I’ll argue. We are real people. And if you see behind the illusion of the facade, it might turn your moping right around.
Takeaway:
Learn the difference between fantasy and reality. You aren’t chosen. True love doesn’t always prevail. Affairs end. It’s an illusion of togetherness.
My advice? Stop crying every night.
Life grows around grief if you let it go.
Don’t build your dreams on castles in the air.
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Previously Published on Medium
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