How Men Can End the Patriarchy

By all means, let’s “Smash the Patriarchy”! But not just for the sake of women- let’s do it for our fellow men as well!

After all, just what is Patriarchy anyway? It’s just another aspect of authoritarianism- the part that directly affects women. Authoritarianism is all about creating hierarchies, with the idea that everything will run smoothly if everyone knows and accepts their place in the hierarchy. Feminist author bell hooks talks about “imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy”, where Americans and other imperialist powers are on top, white people are the superior race, owners of capital rule over their employees and the government, and men rule over women. While some men can be at the bottom of the other three hierarchies and some women at the top, the very top tends to be wealthy white men from America and other wealthy countries.

However, things get more interesting when you consider that under traditional gender roles, a mother and her children is actually considered the most valuable unit of society, and men are tasked with protecting and providing for that unit,sacrificing ourselves if necessary. We fight the wars, do all the most dangerous jobs, including policing our fellow men, have shorter lifespans, and are less physically, emotionally and mentally healthy by most measures than women are. One can look at men’s greater economic and political power in several ways. First, it can act as a bribe, inducing us to accept these risks inherent in our protector and provider roles. It is also a result of our greater physical strength, as well as the fact that we have more time and energy to participate in economic and political activity outside the home because we don’t lose time being pregnant and spend less time raising the children that result.

One way for men to subvert the patriarchy is to not accept that bribe, by taking better care of our health, and to minimize the need for our protector role by promoting peace and justice any and every way we can. The liberal project, in other words. We can also spend more time caring for our children, or not have them at all, allowing women to spend more time in the marketplace and political arena. Some of this is already happening, of course.

One way that some of my fellow liberal men are failing in this is by the behavior of many “male feminists” – men who have gone a bit too far with the protector role by understanding and placing women’s needs and issues ahead of their own. Like so many men who go overboard, they can be quite vicious (mostly verbally) with men they feel are less “enlightened” than they are- placing themselves above those men in the hierarchy. This happens quite often in social media.

To rise above this, to truly fight the patriarchy, it is important to recognize that women are fully capable of advocating for their own interests, and that men need to get in touch with our own needs, interests, and feelings. Joining a men’s group is a good start. When I did so in the late 1980s, it changed my life! I was a man who had lots of woman friends, who was quite aware of what was going on with them- but quite unaware of what was going on with myself and my fellow men. It was not until I did my men’s work that I was finally able to be in a successful and equal relationship with a woman. We recently celebrated our 29^th wedding anniversary! It was a form of hero’s journey- that staple of so many old fairy tales. A boy, often a prince, leaves his privileged home, has some adventures, meeting teachers and mentors along the way, slays a dragon or two, and either returns home in triumph, or lands in another Kingdom and marries the princess. This is really all about aspects of the psyche, with marrying the princess representing a union with the more feminine aspects of his psyche, becoming more whole- although my princess was of course quite real!

There are also of course initiation rites in traditional hunter-gatherer societies, where boys who have reached a certain age are taken away from their mother’s care by the men of the community, who then teach them the ways of men, initiating them into manhood. These societies are generally more egalitarian than modern societies, which generally lack such initiation rituals. I once asked a female friend what marks a girl’s initiation into womanhood, and she said “first menstruation”. So obvious! Men’s traditional roles are less biologically defined, more socially constructed- we need to be a bit more creative! Of course women are more than biology, and can, and are, getting creative too.

I realize that there are some people who cannot envision a group of men meeting together with an agenda other than furthering the oppression of women- but I assure you that this is not the case. While there are some (but not all) “men’s rights” groups with a regressive agenda, the men’s groups I am talking about have a very liberal agenda. Men meet together and share their stories, without any women present that we might feel tempted to protect or impress. For male feminists, this is the next logical step in your journey.

There are fewer men’s groups now than than there were back then- but The Mankind Project still runs online and in person groups and workshops nationwide. It has been said the biggest threat to patriarchy is men getting in touch with their feelings. Such a man will be able to access and release the rage and trauma from past abuse, or the traditional patriarchal conditioning that prepares men for their roles in the patriarchy by teaching them to stuff their feelings and obliterate their more tender and caring side. A man so released will find it impossible to shoot up a school, oppress or exploit other people, abuse women and children, or accept a job that advances a consumerist agenda that is a strain upon the earth and our financial well being. Such a man will become much less concerned with money, status and power, and more interested in pursuing wisdom and virtue- and will be a better partner with the women in his life. He will tread more lightly upon the Earth, and be a beacon of hope wherever he goes.

Women have already done much of this work for themselves, so we are essentially just catching up. A movement towards equality and to end the patriarchy and other forms of authoritarianism requires the perspectives, experiences and insights of both genders, and it’s about time we men stepped up and did our part. Not just for the benefit of women- but for ourselves as well.

Are we ready?

—

Ittmust on Flickr under CC License