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It’s no surprise that sometimes relationships can be tough. In fact, healthy relationships do have their rough patches with arguments and make-ups—and even more arguments. Sometimes it can be difficult to realize whether the relationship is toxic or not. There are several articles out there that tell you how to figure out if it’s toxic. This isn’t one of those.
Men can get into toxic relationships just the same as women. Every relationship is different and has obstacles to overcome that are nothing like most. Chances are, you already know that you are in a toxic relationship. This is a list of things NOT to do when you come to that realization.
Don’t stay silent.
I know what you’re thinking, “Duh, why would I keep silent?” Unfortunately, not everyone thinks the same. There are many people out there who are the strong silent type, or they’re just shy. I can honestly raise my hand and say I’m one of the shy guys. I’ve learned through my many toxic relationships that being silent only makes things worse for you and the person you’re with. You’ll just end up internalizing everything and after a while, it wears you down mentally.
Don’t deny it.
This sounds like it could fall under the “Don’t stay silent” point, but it’s not the same thing. You’re at the point where you already know that you’re in a toxic relationship, but maybe you don’t want to believe it. The best thing to do in this situation is to trust yourself. You’ve seen all the signs—they all lead to the same place, so just believe it. Believe in what you know and just work on moving forward.
Don’t focus solely on what they want.
A relationship is a partnership built on growing and thriving equally. If you put everything aside for your partner, it will just end badly. I’m not saying you shouldn’t focus any attention on your partner, but you should make sure that focus is reciprocated. If you bend over backward to keep your partner happy, but they don’t offer any type of the same treatment, is it really worth it?
Don’t close yourself off.
If you’re in a toxic relationship and things are going badly, the worst thing you could do is shut down and close yourself off from the world and your partner. Try talking about what is going on and attempt to find clarity. In some toxic relationships, it might be hard to talk to your partner, so find someone close that you can trust—and talk to them.
Don’t let yourself feel trapped.
You might think that the further into the relationship you get, the more you’re trapped. That’s just a lie you tell yourself to hang onto what you think is what is right. No matter how long you’ve been in the relationship, you are never trapped.
If you are at the point where it’s time to end things and go your separate ways, there is always a way. Don’t think you should just wait it out and see if things change, if nothing is being done to improve the situation. Be mindful and critical while you find your way out. There is always a way to get free, you just have to find it.
Don’t blame yourself.
If the relationship is toxic to you and you’ve done everything or most things in your power to make it better but it’s just not working, it is not your fault. I’m not saying you should throw blame at your partner, but you shouldn’t let them blame you.
The worst thing you can do is blame yourself. Unless you’ve done something horrific, odds are that it is not your fault the relationship is toxic. As you go through the different things to free yourself from the toxicity—whether it is finding an antidote for the relationship or just getting out altogether—don’t allow yourself bear the total burden of the blame.
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Photo credit: Eric Ward on Unsplash
