Ladies, how often do you initiate sex?
I bet I know the answer.
ALMOST NEVER.
Most men complain that their partners never make the first move. “It’s been years. And when I do, the answer is always, ‘NO.’”
It’s begging. Pure and simple, even if he is the most selfless and generous lover.
“I can make her squirt!”
“I love eating her out!”
“I build romance!”
“I love to pamper!”
“She always cums.”
And it’s the same result. She won’t initiate sex.
Wonder why?
Women are literally “trained” from birth to not show their sexuality in any way. If we wear a top that’s a little too low or a skirt that’s a little too high, society calls us sluts. If we have sex with too many partners, we are called whores. If we try to ask a guy out we find attractive, we are “desperate” or too forward.
Men are rewarded for being sexual, while women are (often) punished for it — by family, friends, and by society as a whole. It’s “dirty” and “unladylike” to initiate sex.
Women are supposed to resist our base urges.
Even when we want to, we have that voice in the back of our heads saying, “Don’t do it,” and “If you act too interested in sex, he’ll think you’re easy.”
What if men stopped trying to push?
Then, you’d have a dead bedroom, right? No sex at all. I’m there. I know that pain intimately. “I don’t know why you can’t make the first move?” my husband used to ask.
Because it’s not fun to get rejected.
“Hey, ya want to?” I’d beg at the beginning of our marriage, giving him a soft caress.
Then came the list of excuses:
“I’m tired.”
“It’s a school night.”
“Maybe this weekend.”
Progressing to:
“What is wrong with you?”
I’ve heard a litany of “no’s.”
What was wrong with me? Nothing, really. I was a high-libido female and masturbated all the time. I tried to put up with his lack of a sex drive. I eventually gave up.
And it’s too easy to give up.
“It doesn’t matter how long I wait in between time frames, whether I buy her flowers or if I don’t pick up my underwear,” men lament. “She doesn’t initiate sex.”
Initiating sex means you say, “I desire you” to your partner.
When they reject you, it makes you feel insecure.
“I’m not attractive enough.”
“She doesn’t like my body.”
“Maybe I’m bad at sex.”
“He’s not turned on by me.”
Initiating sex requires a tough shell for men. And for women, new cultural programming allows us to feel desire. It’s not straightforward for either.
Yet, the sexual disconnect, unfortunately, deepens for many couples.
Dead bedrooms are next.
Let me tell you where that leads.
You will go looking.
Someone else will want me. Someone else will desire me. Someone else will provide comfort.
And you begin cheating. Or divorcing.
…
If you liked this one, read about the many excuses of a dead bedroom here:
101 Excuses That Turn OFF Your Spouse From Sex
As a dead bedroom veteran, let me start the list of turn-offs…
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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