How I Protected and Connected With My Dad

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I’ve been taking care of my father for several years now, but I’ve been doing it on my own for around 6 months. Doing it while he’s been in self-isolation has presented some new challenges. However, many of the caregiving strategies I used that let me watch over my father from a distance, are turning out to be pretty useful while my father self-isolates.

While I did a lot of research, I also used my own intuition on how I could be most useful to my dad. Here are just a few of the tips I’d recommend that have really helped me connect with and protect my father, while give him the confidence to continue living on his own safely and securely.

First, I call my father at least twice a day. But now I use facetime to call him. It makes it more personal. We both enjoy it more. It brings a warmth to the conversation that just can’t be replicated over the phone. I can see him smile and he sees mine. I can see when he’s off, and give him a little pep talk. We can kiss each other goodbye. Just recently, we also started to make it a habit to have him read a bedtime story to my kids. He LOVES it. The kids love it. That’s technology put to good use.

When older folks live alone they often feel physically insecure. That insecurity can manifest itself in a fear of physical activity. Low physical activity causes further immobility, deepening the vicious cycle. I wanted to make sure my father felt secure enough that he’d go for a daily walk to get exercise, take the trash out and get his mail.

The first thing I did was get him a mobile personal emergency response system. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s one of those alert systems that were advertised in those “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” commercials. I got him one that works in and outside his home, has GPS tracking, and has fall detection – so even if he falls and can’t press the medical alert button himself, help will still be sent no matter where he is. He loves it. He wears it everywhere he goes – which isn’t too many places now, but it still gives him the confidence to go for his daily walk by himself.

The next thing I did was send him an exercise routine. Along with his walk, I got him to do a simple daily routine focused on strength, mobility, and flexibility recommended by Harvard Medical School. I sent it to his doctor and he gave a thumbs up. I figured that since my father was no longer going to the gym at his senior center, it was important for him to remain fit. Maybe more so now than ever, since he was doing far less activity than usual.

The next thing I did was install a video doorbell. We both love it for different reasons. For me, it lets me see who’s at the front door every time someone comes to visit. I can even speak to the person if need be. For my father, he loves it because he uses the intercom. When somebody rings the doorbell, he can answer with the intercom and either tell them to leave the package at the door, without having to get up, or to wait patiently, while he gets to the door.

The last thing I did was install a video camera inside his house. This one took a little bit more discussion for obvious reasons. He didn’t like the fact that I might see him running around in his underwear. I wanted to make sure that anyone coming into his house, like his nurse who comes to administer a medication he takes twice a week, knew they were being monitored and recorded. Our compromise? I put a live camera in the front hallway, and three dummy cameras in the rest of the house. The idea was that the dummy cameras would act as a deterrent for theft or abuse. When people think they’re being recorded, they don’t misbehave. Having the dummy cameras, instead of the live cameras, also protected my father’s privacy in his bedroom, which I understood he needed. Frankly, so did I!

All that to say, my father’s in a pretty good place now. He has the confidence to keep fit and know that he can get help if need be, even though he’s alone. We stay in touch daily and the grandkids put a huge smile on his face. While we no longer do dinners together, we do drop by for curbside visits on Friday evenings and Sunday afternoons – that’s the best therapy for us all.

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