When it comes to self-love, we often think of a nice bath or massage, or wonder what self-love actually means. However, loving ourselves means more than pampering, and it can have a huge impact on our closest relationships.
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It is easy to love ourselves when everything is going well. But how much can you actually accept of yourself, when the darker and less comfortable parts of you arise? Can you still unconditionally embrace your nature?
As humans, we are often conditioned to judge and reject negative parts of our nature. We get angry, but we are told to be nice. We feel sad, and yet we must carry on with our lives. We want the freedom to pursue what makes us happy, but risk getting isolated if we don’t conform.
And yet, what we repress often gets projected outward in our lives, and this can affect who we attract into our lives, and how we interact with them.
For example, when a person represses their desire for a certain lifestyle because of the fear of social reproval, they disconnect with this desire as well as the anger of not being able to have what they desire. And when someone else actually lives that lifestyle, the repressed anger gets projected onto this person through harsh judgments and criticism, or even aggression.
Another example is that when we have a strong fear of abandonment and we disconnect from our inner needs out of pain, we might become really paranoid and assume that our loved ones might someday betray us or leave us. This might translate to insecure behaviors that can suffocate others, leading to them distancing from us as they begin to feel lost.
When we love ourselves unconditionally, we fully love and embrace all parts of us, including the more difficult shadows.
And when we love ourselves fiercely, we devote ourselves to making our own lives better so that we can thrive.
When we don’t love ourselves, we stay in pain and suffering, sometimes without even realizing it, and it ends up affecting how we relate to our loved ones.
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As we begin to love ourselves, we embrace all of ourselves and work on healing and improving our lives, becoming able to gift the best version of ourselves to our loved ones.
When we begin to accept and feel compassion towards all parts of our inner nature, we start to accept and feel compassion towards all parts of other people around us. We begin to understand that we are all going through different things, and yet all of us possess both shadow and light within us.
How much we can love ourselves reflects how much we can love others. If your love for self is conditioned, and you’re critical of parts of yourself, your love for others would also carry the same conditionings.
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Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. She’s in love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.
If you find this interesting, feel free to check out other related articles:
Mind, Body And Negative Patterns Stored in the Subconscious
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Gabriela C on Unsplash