A shy person can charm a room.
What I did wrong was to take inspiration from the most extroverted person I know.
It’s better to find someone with a personality like yours living the way you hope. Then, use them as a guide. It’s never easy going from 1 to 100.
Here are some tips to ease your needle towards social confidence.
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#1. This setup is better. It’s a builder.
Many shy people avoid groups. The crowds to stay away from are the ones making you feel like an outsider.
I found my group. It is fantastic; they accepted my quiet nature. I got time to warm up to the members and discover my go-to friendly face.
- This person is someone who gives reassuring smiles.
- This person is someone who hushes everyone. So, you get a turn to speak.
- This person is someone who asks your opinion. So, you feel empowered to add to the conversation.
This friend is like a bridge to your more confident self. The more you speak up, the more you realize people aren’t as judgy of what you say.
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#2. These two go together.
Empathy and shyness go well together. It feeds on the human nature of reciprocation. If you show kindness, others will be gentle with you.
So, it doesn’t end well if you’re a socially awkward person with *mean*, polarizing views.
Practice humility with yourself and others. People watch how you treat yourself and others. If you’re struggling, don’t self-blame or apologize. Thank the person for their patience and understanding. And stop.
Continuing with an excuse takes away from the gratitude statement.
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#3. No templates
Speak from the heart. And use kindness as your filter. It appears more genuine. Thus, you can keep your message short and get out of the spotlight fast.
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Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
#4. Listening goes well with these behaviors
Engagement is a part of listening. A head nod, smile, and eye contact make the person more inclined to fill the silence for you.
I have learned that people aren’t trying to change me. Or put me on the spot by giving me the floor unexpectedly. Instead, they hope for my attention and focus on the conversation.
Extroverts and talkative people want reassurance too.
They want to know they aren’t boring you. These chat stallions hope for signs they aren’t talking your ears off against your will.
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#5. The best thing I have ever done.
You don’t have to announce your shyness. But people appreciate it when you tell them you’re a listener. Or a quiet type.
You could even say the activity isn’t your thing. And you are here as a friend to support their likes. Again, it gives reassurance to others around you. Plus, it sucks the awkwardness out of the situation.
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#6. Quiet your mind
You don’t need to be around your friends to feel like yourself. It’s about your mindset.
Familiarize yourself with unknown places (and menus). Visit the location in person or through a virtual tour. If that is not possible, I visit a store in the same industry. Most buildings follow similar codes.
Ask people if they like an event or item you love. The more you talk about it, the more confident you feel about keeping the conversation going.
Introducing familiarity to new situations reduces the anxiety it triggers in me. And it might do the same for you. If not, mind your breathing. Take deep, long breaths.
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General rules I live by
- If you fear strangers don’t want any disturbance, even if you smile, ask an employee or security for help.
- Be polite. Tell the group or person, you are sneaking away to the bathroom or state the general direction will be leaving in.
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Thank you for reading this post.
© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Alice Alinari on Unsplash